The Very Last Time
by GrissomzGal
Summary: She can't work like this. Can't live like this. This is the last time she's going to come running when he calls. She's not coming back this time, and he's going to know just what he's missed out on.
1. Chapter 1

So this it the first new fic in the while, kinda been a bit off the boil lately. Hopefully this one should work out, gotta few ideas for it and I'm liking it at the mo so fingers crossed. All mistakes are mine and mine alone so throw the custard pies my way. I don't own anything either, unfortunately, so don't sue. I have nothing for you anyway :) Enjoy, and please review if you'd be so kind.

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He slid his hand into hers and she felt his blue gaze surveying her worriedly.

'Come on. I'll take you home,' he murmured.

God, she had waited so long to hear those words. Home hadn't been the only place he had taken her that night. He had taken her to Cloud 9 and back again. Flashes from that night scrolled through her mind as she drove and she hated herself for it. She hadn't been drunk, she'd sobered up, and there had been nothing else she had wanted him to do. Hell, it had been exactly what she had wanted since she had first laid eyes on him all those years ago. She had been pleasantly surprised - for a quiet and private man he was surprisingly experienced - and, as she would have expected, he didn't do things in halves.

The images kept coming. She clung to his strong back. His lips on her, everywhere. His hands explored every inch of her body. She looked into his eyes and they were dark. Darker than she had ever seen them. She could have stayed like that forever. His mouth touched hers and she bit his bottom lip to stop him leaving, stop him disappointing her like he always did. When that sweet moment came she could feel his need and it took her breath away. She had always known he felt the same way she did, he'd said as much when she'd asked him for dinner, but she thought that maybe finally he had worked out what to do about it. She had been hopeful. Too hopeful, in hindsight.

The morning had come and she'd woken up alone in a cold bed, and she'd cursed him. Then she saw the note he'd left and she cursed him some more.

'419, had to go. Take a few vacation days & speak to your PEAP counsellor. Grissom.'

It was typical Grissom. Give her something to go on and show her he cared with one hand. Then take it all away and break her up with the other. He was bad for her, she knew that. She had known that since college yet she kept coming back to him. The alcohol was supposed to make her forget about him but in the end it had brought her exactly what she had been yearning after for the best part of her adult life. She didn't know why she couldn't get away from him. Every time he broke her heart she promised herself she'd be kind to herself. Promised that she'd go straight in there, lay down her resignation and make him see what he had missed out on. But then she walked in, and she saw him there. She looked into those blue eyes, she saw the boyish glint in his eye when he cracked a case, she listened to his voice and she couldn't. She just couldn't do it. She could never walk away. This time was going to be different.

He had gone too far but this time she wasn't hurt. She was furious. She hated him for doing this to her and as she pulled into the carpark she knew she was doing the right thing. She needed to leave Vegas, she had to put some distance between them. She knew what he'd say. It was what he always said, and he never seemed to get it. He'd sent her plants, flowers, and before now she always came back. Not this time.

She rounded the corner at full speed just as he was leaving his office. She stared a hole in his back as he stopped to speak to Jim, and when he finished she shouted on him. He turned on his heel and when he saw her he paused. Looking over the top of his glasses, he raised an eyebrow and she felt the flutter in her stomach. She scolded herself. This was not the time.

"You're late."

"What?" She was knocked off balance. She had expected something else. Something with more gravity, something deep and significant but then she cursed herself. It was Gil Grissom, what had she expected? A declaration of love? No. No, this was Grissom and that was all she was going to get from him. "Wait, no. I need to speak to you."

"Later. We're backed up as it is. Come on." He gestured in the direction of the break room and turned back round, starting to walk off.

She sighed in frustration. Why did he never listen?! She realised that if she was leaving it didn't matter if she made a show. As she watched him walk off, a cunning thought hit her. The more embarrassed she could make Grissom the more he would pay for what he had done to her. In that moment she made a decision.

"GRISSOM!" she yelled at the top her voice. He startled and turned back round. He looked angry.

"Sara, please!" he scolded.

"No, Grissom! I need to speak to you, and I'm damn well speaking to you now!"

He looked amused for a brief second but then he put on that goddamn pout and he bit his bottom lip. "Okay. Let's talk."

She hadn't expected it to be that easy but she was going to take all that she could. He passed and for a moment her resolve crumbled but then she felt the envelope in her hand and she squared her shoulders. She was going to do this, she had to. There was nothing else she could do now that it had come this far and he still didn't get it. Closing the door behind her, she refused the seat when he offered it. Her blood boiled when he calmly sat behind his desk, looking at her over the rim of his glasses, fingers steepled against his chin.

She didn't know how to start and Grissom eventually asked, "Well?"

"This is my resignation," she stated simply and dropped the manilla envelope in the middle of his desk, scattering his papers.

He raised an eyebrow again and stared at the envelope for a moment or two. "Sara, if this is about the whole promotion thing, then..."

"No, Grissom! This is not about the whole promotion thing!" she exclaimed. "You just don't get it do you."

"Obviously not." He stared at her with those blue eyes and she found herself going back to that night...staring back up into darkening blue. She shook her head and tried to focus but it was hard when he was right there in-front of her. "So explain it to me."

"This isn't about a promotion. I get it, Nick was better for it, okay, fine. Over it. It's you, Grissom. That's what my problem is."

"I think we've had this discussion before, Sara," he smirked. He thought he knew where this was going. Well he didn't.

"Yes, we have, but last time I was stupid. I came back just because of a dumb plant and I shouldn't have. Hell, I should never have come here in the first place. I should have known you'd do this, I should have seen it because you do it time and time again and I'm sick of it. You let me in and then you shut down as soon as anything of any significance happens. I can't work like this. I can't work like this and I can't live like this. I've had enough of it. I've had enough of this job, of this city and I've had enough of you. I'm never going to get into your heart and that's okay - I give up. I just can't do it any more."

"Sara, come on, the lab..."

"Needs me? Yes! I know, you've told me that before, don't you remember?!" she shouted. "You tell me the lab needs me. I leave. You send a dumb plant and I come running back to you because I think maybe this time will be different, but it's not and it never will be."

"Okay, look, Sara, you and I...." he started again, his panic starting to become obvious.

"You and I nothing!" she yelled. "I'm done! You can send all the plants you want, I'm gone."

"Where are you going to go?" He rose from his seat and laid his glasses on the desk, advancing towards her.

"Take one more step and I swear I will put a bullet in you," she warned, pointing a finger in his face. He stopped in his tracks and his brow furrowed as if she had grown another head. "Yeah, Grissom, that's right. I'm really going. I don't know where the hell I'm going, but I'm going. Anything is better than being here with you!"

"No, Sara, please. Just listen to me a sec." He took another step towards her and raised his hands as she laid her hand on her holster. "Just listen, okay? What if I say the lab doesn't need you. What if it's me? What if I need you?"

"Shut up!" she shouted. "I'm not going to take any more of your crap, I'm not!"

"But Sara...." he went to follow her as she flung the door open. Lab techs and CSIs were gathered outside listening but when they saw Sara storm out, her face red and her eyes wild they scattered. Only Nick and Warrick were left standing there, staring curiously, their eyes questioning her.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" She had never yelled so loud in her life and she took herself by surprise. "I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU! JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!"

Grissom had nothing to say. He just stood there, confusion evident on his face, trying desperately to grasp an understanding of the situation.

Warrick went to ask something but Sara raised a hand. "Don't." He shut his mouth. She didn't look back as she stormed out of the building. She heard Nick and Warrick shout on her, then Grissom's voice echoed along the hallway. She didn't listen, and she screwed her eyes shut tightly. She didn't want to cry, not now. She had to get out of this place. As she approached the main door there was a large group of wannabe CSIs signing in for a tour and she couldn't get past. She heard footsteps behind her and she heard him shout on her. She couldn't get out on time and she felt his hand close around her arm. It had to be him, nobody else could get that kind of response.

"Grissom, please. Let go of me," she said, her voice soft as she tried her damnedest not to allow her tears to roll down her cheeks. There was a moment's pause and then he let go of her arm. She turned and looked into his eye for a moment and she thought she caught the very thing she had never anticipated but she couldn't stay. Not even for his love. She couldn't take it anymore. She pushed past the young group and out into the crisp air. She didn't hear any further shouts, but as she slammed her foot on the accelerator she saw him standing in the doorway. She sure as hell hoped that it was the last time she would see him, because she just knew that if she saw him after this, after catching that look in his eye, she wouldn't be able to leave again. He was in her rear-view mirror all the way along the road and he only disappeared when she rounded the corner away from the lab. Away from him. Away from this life and into a new one. A happier one without him. Or maybe one just as miserable....

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So that's the first chapter. What do y'all think? Good? Review and tell me please, love the feedback, will try and reply to any reviews I get :) Cheers.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for all the great reviews guys, I really appreciate it. You're too kind! (but keep it coming hehe) Hope this second chapter will live up to the high expectiations.

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He sat in his office alone. It was after shift, and the lab was quiet until day shift arrived. It was during this time he got most of his paperwork done, but the large stack on papers in-front of him only seemed to be growing. It had been a month since she had driven away and left him standing there on the doorstep of the lab, two since she had been pulled up by the cops and he'd been called to take her home. He couldn't get that day off of his mind. He hadn't meant for it to happen. He had shown up fully expecting to drop her off at home and leave but she had invited him. She had looked so sad, so lonely, and for once he had allowed his heart to rule his head. There was a reason that he never did that, and the reason had been paraded in full view that night. He was stupid when he listened to his heart, he was reckless and he loved her when he listened to his heart. He had been feeling guilty about that night ever since he'd left her apartment to attend the 419. Had been grateful that Jim had called, had given him a legitimate excuse to leave - he knew he would never have been able to go without a reason.

He began to doze off but suddenly images flashed through his mind. She clung to his back and her fingertips dug into his skin. Exquisite pain. Lips devoured her body from head to toe. Hands caressed every curve. Looked down into her eyes and the love and the passion there scared him. Couldn't go back. Wouldn't. Had never felt anything quite like that high moment of ecstacy as she ran her foot up his calf. Skin tingled, loved her more than ever. Was just about to tell her when he realised she was asleep.

He startled as the door creaked, and he opened his eyes to see Catherine standing in the dooway, hands on hips. She had that look on her face that told him she didn't approve but knew that she'd never change him. That was the thing he cherished most about Catherine - she knew everything about him, good and bad, but she never judged him. She couldn't change him and she never tried. She was just there, and that was all he needed from her. That was all he wanted.

"Why aren't you at home with Lynsey?" He straightened his glasses and sat up in his chair, trying to grab his pen as if he was working and not dozing or dreaming of a certain brunette who had since left the lab courtesy of the one and only Gil Grissom.

"Why aren't you home with Vivaldi?" she smirked, and he raised an eyebrow half-heartedly. She grinned and shrugged. "Hey, I just thought you could use a hand with the paperwork."

"Oh, no, I'm good," he shook his head, but then followed her gaze down to the substantial pile on his desk. "Well, okay, but only for an hour. Be home to wake Lynsey up."

"Yes sir," she smiled as she pulled a chair up to his desk. "So, uh...how are you Gil?"

"Me? I'm fine. How are you?" He took a stack of papers from the top of the pile and started on them, desperately trying to evade Catherine's relentless questioning. He knew she wouldn't stop until she got the answer she was looking for.

"Hey, don't give me that crap Gil." Catherine reached over and took the pen from his hand. "Ever since she left you've been distracted."

"Since who left?" He hated the questions, the glances. Every one else saw it, he knew they did, but he wanted to pretend they didn't. He wanted to pretend as if nobody knew he was in love with her. As if nobody knew he always had been, and always would me. As if nobody knew that he missed her like hell. As if nobody knew he was dying a little more inside every day that passed without her.

"Okay, you want to play hardball." She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him with a look that only the Mother of a teenage girl could give. "I knew it the first time I saw you two together. I knew the reason you asked her here, and I know the reason you've begged her to stay so many times before."

"The lab needs her." It was his default. He knew it was crap - the lab could function without her. The lab would carry on just as usual, but he couldn't. He couldn't live like that. Every day he prayed that she had changed her mind, that she'd come back, and he'd walk in and she'd be there with a smile and it would be okay. If she would just come back, it would all be okay. He would be okay.

"No, Gil, you need her. You hide behind this...this wall of indifference and it's a whole load of crap. I don't know what the hell you two are thinking when you're screaming at each other but give it up already, okay? Go find her. Bring her back if that's what you have to do because hell, Gil, I don't like this Grissom."

"I haven't changed, Cath. I'm still me."

"No, Gil. You're not. You're distracted, you're missing things at scenes, you're even further behind on this damn paperwork than you normally are, you're moody, you're snapping at everyone. Get a grip of yourself."

She rose from her seat and stalked out of the office, slamming the door behind her. He didn't know what was wrong with him - he seemed to make women angry without any effort. He had alienated anyone he had ever felt close to. Terri Miller, Heather, Sara...nobody seemed to stick with him for too long and he hated himself for it. They all thought he didn't feel. They all thought that he was Gil Grissom the undefeatable man but he was defeatable. He was breakable and he was breaking fast and hard and painfully. He needed her here in Vegas, he needed her to be back with him, he needed to tell her how he felt, he needed to make it right. He just didn't know how.

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He heard them come in and he knew they were there. The blinds were shut and the door was locked. The lights were off. The pain was blinding and he just couldn't face them. In his moment of weakness he swore he heard her voice. But he couldn't have heard her voice. She was gone. He had messed it up all over again. She'd given him a second chance and he'd ruined it just like her had before. He didn't deserve her, but God he needed her. The pain was almost too much but if she was out there....

He fumbled with the lock until it clicked open and he eased the door open a little. The sound of her voice had gone and he groaned as he retreated back into the blackness of his office. Before he could Greg bounded up to him.

"Hey, Grissom, can I have a word?" He was too happy. It hurt his head.

"Greg, look, not now, okay?"

"It's important." Greg started off on some huge explanation about his replacement in DNA but suddenly he heard it again. He heard her laugh, and the images of her smile flashed before his eyes. He froze, painfully scanning the corridors for her but he couldn't see her. He heard her laugh again and he had to go. He pushed past Greg and in the back of his mind he vaguely heard Greg complaining. He didn't care. She was here, he had to get to her. He couldn't let her go again, he couldn't.

He rounded the corner and she was there. She was there.

His voice caught in his throat as he tried to say her name. His heart raced and he couldn't take his eyes off her. "Sara."

He saw her freeze and after an eternity she turned round. He saw her eyes light up and then she smiled. She smiled at him. She walked towards him. She was smiling, she was saying his name.

"You're back." He could only stare at her. She nodded and she kept on moving to him. She laughed again as she took his face in her hands.

"Grissom!" He ignored the voice. Sara was back. She was holding him, she was smiling. "GRISSOM!"

He jerked awake. He looked around the room, Ecklie stood in the doorway.

"Conrad?" He was confused. He looked around the room again. The blinds were closed. The lights were off. His glasses sat on the desk. He raised his arm to look at his watch. It was the start of shift. He rubbed his eyes and stood. "Conrad...what...?"

"Hell, Gil, didn't you go home?" Ecklie took in the sight of the mighty Gil Grissom in crushed clothes, still half asleep and he felt smug. "You're late, Gil. Your team is waiting for you."

"Oh." It had been so vivid, so real. He could have sworn that she was back....she was back and she was happy. His heart was still racing and now it ached again. It ached for her. For everything he had lost when she left Vegas. When she left him behind.

It was then that he made a promise to himself. He wasn't going to let this happen again. He was going to become the man they all thought he was. He was going to be undefeatable, he wasn't going to let his heart rule his head again. He was never going to leave himself open like that. He was going to close up his heart and he wasn't going to open it again. He wasn't going to let anyone in, and he wasn't going to let anything out. He was going to be who they thought he was. He was never going to fall. Never again. This would be the very last time.

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So there we have it. Chapter Two and Grissom has decided to close up his heart. As if it wasn't closed up already !! Keep the reviews coming if you would, always nice to hear how ace you are really isn't it hehehe. Nah. Anyway. Hope you enjoyed it :)


	3. Chapter 3

Again, thanks muchly for the reviews. Still make me grin. They make me happy and me happy is a very good thing :)

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She walked along the strip, appearing serene to the outside world, but inside her mind was in turmoil. She watched strangers go by. So many different people, so many faces, so many stories. Are any of these people going through what I am, she wonders? Are they heartbroken, or are they happy? Happiness - something she hadn't felt for a very long time. Something she needed to find, somewhere else, anywhere else, just not there. That's the thing with people - you never know. Are these strangers dangerous? Any one of them could want to hurt her. That's why she needed to leave Vegas. She needed to get away from it all, even just for a moment. She needed to get away from the murder, the deceit, the hopeless struggle to keep the city safe. She was tired of having death thrown in her face every day. There was only one reason she had ever come to Vegas and now that reason was gone but she still couldn't find it in herself to leave. She couldn't pack her bags, couldn't book the flight, couldn't break out of the city. She hated herself for it. For needing him so much, for wanting him so much.

Nobody out there really knew her. She wasn't good with other people, but nobody ever gave her a chance. Nobody stopped and spoke to her, nobody tried to understand why she was the way she was. Nobody could take her the way she was. Anyone she ever knew had wanted her to change, and she couldn't. She had spent her whole life adapting to other people, trying to survive in a world that had never been kind to her. She had been forced to fight from an early age and now she was tired of fighting. All she wanted, all she needed, was someone to love her but there was nobody out there. She tried to tell herself that there was someone. That she would find that one person who would accept her for her, one day, but she'd been trying to find them for her whole life and there was nobody out there.

That wasn't true. There was somebody. There was only one somebody, and there only ever would be one somebody. There was one somebody who she loved beyond anything she had ever felt before. She would have given everything she had to him but he wasn't the somebody she needed. He wasn't the somebody who would accept her, who would never ask her to change, who would give her his heart and never ask for anything back. She had given and she had given. She had tried as hard as anybody ever could. She had given him chance after chance, she had put up with him for so many years but nothing ever changed. She couldn't count the number of times she had cried, couldn't count the many times she had tried to get into that barricaded heart. She didn't know why but she knew that he was scared. She knew that he didn't want to put his heart on the line but what he never seemed to be able to understand was that she would never hurt him. He didn't realise that she would do everything she could to never leave his side. That was how much she loved him.

She had him stuck in her heart and he just broke her. He broke her every time. She thought that maybe finally he was going to let her in, but then she got too close and he shut down. She had tried it her way, she had even tried it his way but nothing ever worked. All she had never seemed to be enough for him. She had been doing everything she possibly could but all she ever got was hurt. She tried so hard to understand him, to give him time, but she had never been able to make sense of him.

She remembered the day they met like it was just yesterday. She had never expected his lecture to be so fascinating but at the end she had thought up questions to stay there with him. Those blue eyes and the smile and the intelligence. She had stayed on at the end of the session just to speak to him. He had asked her name, and God, she had fallen in love right at that moment. She had been in love ever since that moment and she hated it. The good days had always been incredible but the bad times were even worse.

She tired, that was the whole truth of it. She had given him everything she ever had, had let him in - to her head and her bed. She took the chances in their rocky relationship, she fought for him, and she had spent her life chasing the light at the end of the tunnel. She had run and run, but every time she thought she was almost there the bar was raised. The tunnel was too long and the run was too painful. She knew that she was never going to make it into the light. She had never had him on her side, she had to constantly push herself just to get him to notice her. She wanted to say that she hoped he fell apart without her, she wanted to be able to say that she had ruined him by leaving. She wanted to say that she was on top and she was going to watch him fall but she wasn't on top. She wasn't on top, he was never going to fall apart and she could never be truthful anyway. She never wanted to hurt him, no matter how often or how badly he hurt her.

He had always thought she was strong, they all did. They all thought she was a fighter. They thought she could get through anything, but his smile left her wide open and his touch constantly made it impossible to be strong. Nobody know that underneath it all she was vulnerable. Nobody knew she was just like them. He thought that she could get through anything, but he didn't realise that love changed you. Love could change anyone, and it had changed her.

She had to make a stand, she didn't want to waste another day. She couldn't live her life this way. The games they played...they had to stop. There had to be an end to it, she couldn't continue to take it. She had to go.

She wished she could turn back time. She would take back everything she ever said to him, she would never fall in love with him. She can't go back. Love should change things, but with him it's no different. She didn't know what the point in loving someone was if all you got back from them was pain.

She looked up just in time to see a large man walk into her. She tried to move but he was too close. Their bodies collided, hard. She felt a sharp burning pain in her stomach and suddenly the guy was running off. She forced herself to look down but she already knew. She saw the red stain, almost in awe as she watched it spread across her shirt. It didn't feel like her as she collapsed onto her knees, it was as if she was watching the scene unfolding from above. She didn't make a sound, didn't scream for help. Maybe this was it. Maybe this was the end.

Maybe this was how she was going to leave Vegas. Maybe this was her salvation...


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for all the great reviews, they make me grin like the Cheshire cat (except a little less creepy. Damn cat gave me nightmares for a month...) It's great to get such good comments, so yay. I'm a happy bunny now. Here's Chapter Four.

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He stood on the Strip and he watched. The lights were so beautiful, the air was warm and sky was clear but he still couldn't find the happiness he hoped was still in him somewhere. The Strip had once fascinated him, but it no longer held that magnificence for him. As he watched, the Bellagio fountain spouted into action. He had once loved to sit and watch those fountains. They had filled him with awe, and he had almost been in a trance as he watched the 460 foot jets of water. Not now. Now he was weary. World weary. He'd seen everything there was to see and there was nothing that could surprise him any more. Even his feelings didn't surprise him any more.

Feelings. He wished he didn't feel. If he didn't have to feel then he wouldn't be in this mess. She'd still be here because he wouldn't have made any stupid mistakes. If he didn't have to feel then he wouldn't miss her so damn much. God he missed her. He even missed fighting with her. He hated himself for messing it up like he always did. He had a beautiful young woman ready to give everything to him and he just couldn't do it. He couldn't take that chance because he would have had to let go of everything. He would have had to take down the walls he had built around his heart, the walls that were supposed to protect him, and he just wasn't ready for that. He couldn't bear leaving himself open, vulnerable, exposed. He couldn't let her in because he was scared of the pain he knew would come. He knew he would be burned. He always was, that was the way love went when he was in it.

Love was supposed to change things. It was supposed to make you happy, it was supposed to make things better. It was supposed to heal wounds, it was supposed to be stronger than anything else but it wasn't. He knew that there must be something out there that he was missing. He knew there was happiness to be found but he couldn't let go. He couldn't let go for long enough to be happy, he wouldn't. He saw what love did. Love killed, love injured, love hurt. Love made things worse and he didn't believe that the risk was worth it. He loved her more than anything but he refused to let it show. If he showed he loved her he was exposing a weakness and he knew that the bad guys exploited weaknesses. Loving her would put them both in danger and he wasn't willing to do that, to himself or to her. He couldn't love her.

He knew that was all she wanted. She just wanted him to love her, and he hated to hurt her, he hated to see that look on her face. The one that told him it was exactly what she expected. He had never known that one day she would be gone. He had expected it on some level but he never believed it. Maybe he just wanted to believe that she would stay for him no matter what. He knew it was selfish, asking her to stay when he wasn't prepared to give her what she needed, what she wanted, but he couldn't bear his soul to her. Moments were all he could give her and he knew it wasn't enough. He knew that he'd never be enough for, knew that he was never going to be good enough.

She was strong, she would get through it without him. She would watch him fall apart and he knew that was exactly what she wanted. She was punishing him for all the hurt he had caused her. He had never taken the chance to let her in, he had never fought to get her. Every time she got close to him he got scared and he shut down. He left her on her own without him and he died a little more inside every time he hurt her but the truth was that she was all he wanted. He didn't care about his job or his reputation, none of it mattered if he had her but he didn't have her. He never had done. He wished that there was an easier way, he wished he didn't have to give it all up for her but there was no easier way and when it came to it he just couldn't let go.

He had been doing the same job in the same lab for most of his adult life. He had seen people come, and he had seen people go. He had watched people burn out, he had watched people die, he had lost good friends but he hadn't changed. He was still the same scared man that he had always been. He had always been scared of letting people in, he let nobody see him hurt. In so many years of doing his job he had put countless criminals away but it never helped. You put one away and another 5 crawled out of the woodwork. The crime rate was getting out of hand and he couldn't keep up. He was exhausted and he didn't know why he wouldn't just let it go and take what made him happy. He had lost sight of why he did this, why he tried so hard when he never changed anything. He had become disillusioned and he was lost, he didn't know where to go or what do.

He wished that he could go back to before he ever hurt her. He wanted to take back everything he had done to her, he wanted to start over. He remembered when she had first taken his seminar and he had first laid eyes on her. She had taken his breath away, she still did. She had been so enthusiastic, so interested, and her attitude had rubbed off on him. He would never forget that day. The way she had looked at him, like he was the most important man in the world...he wished he had seen that look recently. The past few years had been difficult, and she didn't look at him like that any more. She barely looked at him now. He didn't blame her, he wouldn't have taken notice of himself either. He wasn't worth her attention, wasn't worth her devotion, her loyalty, her respect. Wasn't worth her love.

Never had been.

She gave herself away to him each and every day and he just let it go. He tried to block it out because he couldn't bear the responsibility of respecting her love. He refused to acknowledge her vulnerability and he just ended up hurting her. It was almost as if he wanted more and he would wait for it, no matter what else happened. He would wait for more - with or without her. And if he lost the highs, at least he was spared the lows. And he knew just how much the lows could hurt. How easily they could break a man. He didn't want to break, he wouldn't.

He turned his attention back to the people. So many people, so many stories, so little time. Civility had gone from today's society. Nobody wanted to pause, nobody wanted to take a look around. Nobody looked after one another, nobody cared any more. The hustle and bustle of the street meant nothing more than strangers on cell phones, collisions and stone coldness.

Suddenly a scream. God, it was loud. He would never be able to forget that scream. As he turned his head he wondered what life would be like if he had never had the corrective surgery. He would never have been able to hear the scream. A woman. It was a woman's scream. She was screaming help, it was only just audible amongst other screams. He felt his feet move without his consent. They carried him to the crowd without any input. There was a person on the sidewalk, in the foetal position. Blood pooled around their body, they weren't moving.

The crowd thinned as a fight broke out and suddenly he saw. He saw her lying there. He shook his head, he didn't believe it. She was gone. She was supposed to be gone...Why was she here? He fell to his knees at her side, he reached out. His hands touched her body - she was warm, she was still warm. It was surreal, he saw himself moving from above. He couldn't think straight as he felt for the wound. The blood kept coming, there was so much of it, he only ever saw so much blood at crime scenes where victims had been....No. He had to save her. He had to help her. He couldn't let go now, not that she was there in his arms. He would never be able to forgive himself if he had the chance to save her and he failed her. This was the last chance he had and he was going to take it. He couldn't, wouldn't, let her go.

He found the wound. He ripped his shirt off, suddenly the air was cold as he knelt on the hard cement in his thin t-shirt. He pushed his shirt against her side. A moan escaped her lips, she was in pain. She was barely conscious but her eyes fluttered open and her hands found his.

"Sara." His voice didn't sound like his own. "It's Grissom, let me help you. Move your hands, I have to help you."

"G...Grissom?" Her own voice was barely there.

"Yeah, honey, it's Grissom. It's going to be alright. There's an ambulance on the way, just stay with me. Okay? Stay with me."

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologise for Sara." He was dying inside. His eyes were burning, he couldn't see through the well of tears. He couldn't put enough pressure on her, the blood wouldn't stop. He could hear the faint wail of the sirens in the distance but they were too far away. They weren't going to arrive in time. "Nothing, okay?"

"Bye, Griss." Her eyes closed, she swallowed hard. Her eyes opened once more. "I love you."

"God, Sara, no, don't say goodbye. It's not time for goodbye. You're not going anywhere."

"L...love you."

The tears were flowing freely down his cheeks now. He pushed all of his weight down on her but the blood just kept coming. It kept pouring from her side, he was covered. His hands, his arms, his t-shirt, his pants, everything was covered in her warm blood. "Sara, I love you too. God, I love you too. Don't go, don't leave me. Please." He didn't think as he pressed his lips against hers. He felt her sigh underneath his hands, she tried to move. "No, honey, stay still. Stay still. You hear that? The paramedics are almost here, it's going to be okay. Just stay still honey."

The ambulance sirens were still too far away.

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So there we have it. Chapter Four. Tell me what ya think :) Too evil? Nah. Can never be too evil. Just for the record...I love the words To Be Continued hehe. Reviews would be awful great, ta, folks.


	5. Chapter 5

Cheers very much for the reviews, like I say I really appreciate them. Makes me as happy as a dog chasing its tail. Well maybe not quite. But you get the idea. For your reading pleasure...fifth chapter. Any mistakes in spelling are mine and mine alone, and the FF spellchecker is misbehaving so apologies for any gaffs. Enjoy guys :)

* * *

The sirens were loud but he barely heard them over the sound of his own heart beating. He wanted the driver to go faster, wanted the ER to be closer, wanted to change what had happened. Wanted to go back and to see her before she got hurt. Wanted to kill the man who had done this. Brass had an APB out on the description of the assailant but he knew it wasn't enough. He knew who ever had done this would be long gone, they'd never catch him. It made his heart ache.

He was dying inside as he watched her lifeless form lying on the trolley in-front of him. They had told him she was stable, but he wanted more. He wanted her to open her eyes, to wake up, to look at him like she used to, wanted to see her smile like she used to. He hadn't realise just quite how much he needed her until he had seen her lying there in a lake of her own blood. He would have given anything just for it to be him lying there instead of her. She didn't deserve this. She had so much more life to live. It should have been him.

It made him sick to think that he had been feet away from her. She had been right there and he hadn't known. He hadn't known she was there and this had happened. He should have protected her. It was his fault. If he hadn't messed it up she wouldn't have been there. She would have been at home. She would have been safe. It was his fault and he didn't deserve to be the one sitting in that ambulance perfectly healthy. It wasn't just, it wasn't right. It was exactly that dilemma that had destroyed his faith in God. This shouldn't be happening.

He tightened his grip on her hand, he just wanted her to grip back. He wanted to wake up and find it was a nightmare. He wanted to wake up and find it had all been a nightmare. He wanted to wake up and he wanted it all to be okay. He wanted her back in his life, he wanted to be back in hers. He wished he could make it better. He wished someone would make it better because he couldn't. He didn't know what to do. He had failed her when she needed him most and he hated himself for it.

Desperation had taken over. He tried to make the driver drive faster. He tried to make the paramedics do something even though he knew they had already done it. He prayed like he had never prayed before. He prayed to God, to anyone to save her. They couldn't take her, they just couldn't. If she wasn't there he wouldn't either. If she died he would die to. He would make sure of it. He just hoped to God that it hadn't the very last time he'd have the chance to her he loved her.

* * *

She stood on an endless beach. The sand was soft and white, the sea was a flawless blue. She could feel the wind tousle her hair, felt the warm sand between her toes. The sound of the waves breaking gently on the beautiful beach was soothing, and she felt safe. Safe like she hadn't felt in a long, long time. Like she hadn't felt in forever. It was the kind of safe that she had always longed for. She was alone but she didn't feel lonely. She felt content, happy. Happy like never before. It was an ecstatic happiness that she felt from head to toe, all-consuming, joyous. Her body felt warm, she could feel her heart beating soundly against her chest. She could feel him watching, watching with her with eyes the colour of the perfect ocean. Watching her with love, with pride. She could feel him nearby. She knew he was there, and she longed to touch him. She longed to feel his heart beating with hers, longed to feel his skin on her skin. Longed for his lips on her lips, longed to hear him tell her he loved her, always had, always would. God, she felt safe.

'Sara.'

She turned to look for him but she couldn't see him. Where was he?

He called her name again. 'Sara'.

His voice was soft. It seemed surreal and far away. She could still feel his presence around her, as if he was right behind her but when she turned she couldn't see him. Where was he?

'Sara.' Louder this time. More urgent. The security began to dissipate, the warmth chilled. She shivered. As she watched, the waves got harder and stronger. The blue of the ocean turned to grey. Fear. She felt fear. 'Sara.'

"Stop shouting." She covered her ears, looked for him. Still couldn't find him. The sun had gone. Clouds were overhead, it was getting dark. The rumble of thunder came from far away. Her heart raced, she was terrified.

"Sara."

"I'm here! I'm right here!" She was frantic. She searched for him. Where was he? "I'm here, Gil, stop hiding. Please, stop hiding, I'm scared Gil. I'm scared."

Hands touched her face. She screamed, but then they touched her again. They were soft, warm. They caressed her cheeks. The sun broke through the clouds, the waves calmed.

'Sara...' His voice was softer again. The warmth of his hands quelled her fear. She turned again. He was there. The light was bright, the sun blinded her. She closed her eyes but he called her name again. He was right beside her, she had to see him again. "Sara..."

She opened her eyes again and suddenly the beach disappeared. White, everywhere. God, it was loud. There was noise everywhere but her eyes focused and she saw him. He was there, above her, watching her. She had been right. He was there with her. He was beautiful.

"Sara." She saw the relief on her face, and she was confused.

"Gil...where are we? The beach was nice, real nice. Why were you hiding?"

She watched him frown and the fear clenched at her gut again. He stared at her for a long moment before he spoke. His voice was soft again but real. Very, very real.

"Sara, honey, you were attacked. Do you remember?"

Suddenly images came back to her. The lights of the Strip. The faces in the crowd. The emotion - the melancholy, the dread, the uncertainty, the disappointment. Suddenly she remembered the pain. She remembered his face, how frightened he had seemed, she hadn't understood. Why had he been frightened?

"Yeah." She swallowed hard and he disappeared from view for a moment before he came back. He helped her sip from a plastic cup. The water was cool, it soothed her throat. "I remember."

"The doctors said you're going to be fine, honey. It's going to be okay." He caressed her cheeks again, she saw the hint of a smile on his lips. She looked up into his eyes and she saw it again. She saw what she had seen when she left him for good. "It's all going to be okay Sara."

"I'm tired. So tired."

"Okay, honey." He nodded and he leaned down to kiss her forehead. She felt her cheeks burning, her heart racing. Was this what it was going to be like from now on? Had it taken attack to make him realise? She didn't care how it had happened. He was there with her. He was there and he didn't seem in any hurry to leave. "Sleep. Just sleep, Sara, it's all going to be okay."

"Hold me." Her voice was no more than a whisper and she felt her eyes begin to burn as he froze. She stared up at him, confused. Why wouldn't he hold her? Had the attack been so bad? "Just hold me. Let me sleep in your arms."

She watched as his ocean blue eyes flitted across her face. Eventually he moved behind her. With an obvious concern and worry for her, he gently eased her up a little and he slid his body in behind her. He wrapped both of his arms around her fragile body and she melted into his embrace. He smelled of soap and warm water. His strong arms around her made her feel safe again, like she had felt on the beach. Like she had always longed to feel. She tried to speak.

"Sleep, Sara. Don't worry about a thing. I'm here. Just sleep. I'm here."

She closed her eyes and she did exactly what he wanted her to. She slept.

* * *

He sat with her and he couldn't believe it. She was in his arms and she was safe. He was going to make sure that she would stay like that. He felt an overwhelming sense of happiness each and every time he looked down and he saw her there in his arms. Her head rested on his chest, and he hoped the beating of his heart could tell her he loved her because his heart beat for her and only her. He hoped she knew that. She was so beautiful asleep, he was in awe. He had finally realised what he had been missing out on for so many years. Happiness. What she had to offer him was simple. Love. Love and happiness. It would be the very last time he would mess it up with her. He was going to stay at her side forever now that he knew what he had missed. He was astonished at how easy it had been.

The door creaked open. A short woman with tightly drawn back black hair entered the room, and he couldn't help himself. He smiled at her. He refused to move.

"That's exactly what she needs. She needs to sleep, and she needs someone to be there for her." The nurse checked the vital stats on the machine by the bed and nodded, obviously satisfied. His heart swelled - that was good. It was very very good. "Yeah, your wife is going to be fine. She'll be perfect."

She left, taking his smile with her. Wife?

He looked down at his sleeping beauty and he hated himself for the swell of fear that he felt. Wife?

He began to panic but another glance down at her sleeping form stopped him. No, he couldn't do that to her. Not again. Not in this state. But what if he hurt her again? He couldn't bear to watch her walking away again, couldn't bear to disappoint her again. But what if she really didn't want him any more? What if when she woke up she remembered what he had done. He had loved her and he had left. What if she remembered, what if she made him leave? Could he do that? Could he leave her again, or would he fight to stay? He knew exactly what he would do, and he hated the thought of hurting her again. He had promised that the last time would be the very last time but what if....

* * *

She couldn't feel him there. She tried to curl up to his side but when she moved all she felt was the stab of excruciating pain from her side. No warmth, no safety. No Gil. She opened her eyes. He wasn't there with her, he wasn't by her bedside. The door to the toilet was open and he wasn't inside. Where was he?

With great difficulty she sat up, trying her best to ignore the pain. The fear swelled inside her, the anger, the disappointment....the realisation that maybe he couldn't change.

"Gil?" No reply. "Grissom, come on. This isn't funny."

Nothing.

She scanned the room again. She almost missed it but she when she paid attention she was sure that it hadn't been there before. The green leaves hung dejectedly in the heat of the room and she felt the dread building from the pit of her stomach. The plant hadn't been there before when she had spoken with him, hadn't been there when he had held her and told her to sleep. When he had told her that it was all going to be okay. She reached towards the plant and she found the card. She opened it and when she read the sentiment she felt the tears welling in her eyes. Again.

'From Grissom x'

* * *

So there you are. You asked for Sara to live. She lived.  
Yes, I am evil. Live with it :)  
Reviews? (even just to tell me what a nasty so and so I am)  
Ta for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

So yes, I realise that the last chapter was evil, but I had to. If I make this a happy ending, which I might not (got your worrying now haven't I?), then it'll just make it all the sweeter. Hope you enjoy this one too, hope your evil meters aren't running over yet, and as always, reviews if you please :)

* * *

They hadn't been able to stop her. They'd told her that it wasn't a wise decision but she had checked herself out as soon as she could without collapsing from the pain. She was running on adrenalin as she once again stormed into the building. She wanted answers, and either she got them or she was gone. She would go this time, she had promised herself. She had to let him go eventually and if he couldn't give her what she needed this was going to be the eventuality. She needed to hear it, she needed to watch his lips saying those words and when he did she'd never leave his side again. She'd never let him down and she would always, always be there for him. But if not.....This was the very last time. Never again.

Everybody stared. She could feel their eyes on her, she could sense their questions. She knew what they thought about her, knew they didn't want her there. She knew when she had left they had forgotten and she knew it would be a long time before she was accepted back again but she didn't care. There were only two outcomes to this. One way she would end up with, the other she wouldn't. The other she would be gone tomorrow, the other she would have a second chance at a happy life without the pain, the anguish and the disappointment that had filled this one. Maybe the next try would be better. Maybe it would be happier, easier, simpler. But then he wouldn't be there. He wouldn't be there to make her smile and maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't be better off without him.

But she couldn't think like that. She has to be ruthless, she had to be strong against him, because she knew if she wasn't her heart would take over and she would stop thinking about I and would start thinking we. Would start thinking about him and no-one else. She couldn't do that, she had to do this right, she had to it properly because one wrong move could make it or break it.

She heard the Texan accent and she turned to see Nick following her. "Where is he?"

"Sara, what you doing back here? I thought you moved away." He was frowning, looking worried. He could obviously see something was wrong but she didn't have time for formalities.

"Where is he Nick?"

He stopped walking and he held up his hands. "In his office, Sar. Geez. He's in his office."

She paused before turning the corner. The door was open. She walked slowly up to it and she looked inside. He was sat there quite happily, pen in hand, the glow of the computer screen reflecting in his glasses. She crepty inside and she slammed the door, hard. As hard as she could. He jumped and looked up. When he saw her he froze. They stared at each other for an eternity, neither saying a word. There was almost nothing to say. Almost.

"Grissom. Hey. Fancy seeing you here." She crossed her arms over her chest. Shielded and protected her heart from him.

"Oh. Sara." His back straightened, he pushed his glasses back up his nose. He stared at her, his blue eyes trying to understand. They couldn't. "How are you?" He gestured to her side.

"Yeah, just peachy, Grissom. Just peachy." She stared at him longer. She didn't quite know how to say it. "Thanks for the plant."

"Oh." He licked his lips. He was nervous. That was good. "Uh, yeah, Sara, about that..."

"Tell me you love me."

He went to carry on with his excuses but he realised what she had said. He froze. Eventually, "What did you say?"

"You said you loved me." She hoped he remembered, but if he didn't she was sure as hell going to remind him. "Tell me you love me, say it again, and I swear I will never leave your side."

"Well, Sara, I..." It was obvious he was struggling. He didn't know what to say, but she would force it from him if she had to.

"Hell, this is your last chance Grissom."

She watched him watch her. Brown mixed with blue, and she felt the cold from him. She knew, somewhere inside. Knew that it was gone. Whatever had made him tell her was gone and there was no telling if it would ever come back. She had to try. She couldn't let it go this easily.

Eventually he stood. He took the steps over to her, and he stood in-front of her. He looked at her, his eyes flitted across her face and settled on her lips. He paused, savoured the moment. Then he moved. Then he kissed her. She froze, she was lost. She let herself be sidetracked, she let him take her away for an eternity but suddenly she realised what she was doing. She was giving him the upper hand, she was letting him control the situation. And she knew that if he asked she'd stay, and she couldn't. She couldn't do that to herself. She had finally made the decision to be kind to herself and she had promised to never go back on it now that it had been made. She pushed him away.

"Say it Grissom."

He stood in-front of her. He looked at her. His lips didn't move.

Her eyes filled. She knew he was never going to say it, he had been desperatee before, but he was never going to say it to her. Not again. She had promised herself she wouldn't cry but her emotions were getting the better of her. She had mistakenly believed that this was going to be a simple decision, that if he didn't say it she would leave but it wasn't as easy as that. It just wasn't as easy. She wanted to make him say it, she wanted to cling to him until he would admit it but she wouldn't lose her dignity like that.

"Please, Gil. Say it, godammit, tell me you love me." The tears had now began to stream right down her face, and he tried to wipe them away but she slapped at his hand and he snatched it back. He looked hurt. He had the cheek to look hurt.

"I'm sorry, Sara. God, I'm sorry..." He seemed horrified with himself but she didn't care. She just shook her head and she turned to leave. She felt him grab her arm and she turned back to him.

"I need time. I need time, and I need space and maybe, just maybe I'll be able to forgive you for this but I don't know because you broke me, Grissom. My god, you broke me so bad."

"Please don't go."

She stared up at him, willing him to say it, thinking 'C'mon Grissom. You know you want to tell me, so say it. This is your last chance Gil. Last chance.". He didn't say a word. She glanced at his hand clamped around her arm. "Let me go."

He didn't move.

"Grissom, let me go."

He stared into her eyes for a long moment before he released his grip. "You don't have to do this Sara."

"Yeah, I do. I have to do this, for me. I can't keep on like this." She sighed softly. She kissed his cheek and she left. She didn't look back.

* * *

He watched her as she walked away from him but this time he didn't follow.

She had said she needed time. If time was all she needed, then maybe she'd come back to him. Maybe he'd have another chance to say those words that just would not come. He kept messing it up. Every chance he got he bowed out. He got scared, or he refused to leave his pride at the door. He just couldn't find those words, and he hated himself for it, because he had to watch her leave. But her leaving didn't hurt him near as badly as the tears he had seen rolling down her face.

Suddenly he realised it. She wasn't invincible. She couldn't get through anything, the tears proved that. He may have saved her life but when she had needed him most - after it, for her recovery - he had abandoned her. Suddenly he understood - she could be broken. It took a lot to do it, but it could be done, and he had done it. He had broken her, and he was one of very few people ever to have done that. Yes, one day she might just forgive him....but he would never forgive himself.

* * *

So, gives a shout and tell me what you thought about this Chapter. Hope you liked it tho :)


	7. Chapter 7

Right, so here's Chapter Seven for y'all. I know I haven't updated for a wee while, had a bit of a block but I think this chapter does the fic justice :) Hope you enjoy, and always, reviews reviews reviews!!

* * *

Catherine and Warrick had been courting for months, years maybe, but nobody had really known the truth until now. Until they had gone public. Until they had declared their love. Until he had proposed. Nobody except Grissom. Catherine had gone to him a few months into the relationship and she had asked him what he thought about it. At the time Sara had still been around, he hadn't had a chance to push her away for good yet, and he had told her it was fine. He had told her that if you loved someone then nobody else should matter, he had told her that if you loved someone you should never let anyone or anything get in the way of that. At the time he had had his sights set on the only woman he would ever love. He had been planning to make his declaration, and he had been planning to sweep her off of her feet and take her away from this place, away from all the death, the deceit.....He had almost gone through with it too, but then the Lady Heather case had come up. She'd gotten in the way, Heather had distracted him. She had fascinated him and he'd given in like a child. He'd crumbled and all thought of declaring his feelings to Sara had disappeared. He'd felt dirty and small ever since that day.

He sat in the corner of the room, slowly nursing a scotch. They were happily dancing on the floor and the look he saw in Catherine's eye as she looked up at Warrick was the look he wanted to catch in Sara's eye when she looked at him. It had once been there, it had once been obvious but not any more. He hadn't seen her for 6 months, hadn't heard anything of her for 4, but he'd thought of her every single day and it was driving him insane. He was a logical man, a man of science, and he couldn't understand his feelings. He couldn't understand why, after 6 months of nothing, he was still in love with her. He didn't know why he wasn't over her yet. It didn't make sense, but he had long given up trying to make sense of his pathetic excuse for life.

He let out a heavy sigh, and he closed his eyes. He wanted to be far away from this place. It was too loud, it was too busy. It was too happy. He wanted to be in his office, for once in his life he wanted to take care of his paperwork. Hiding in the corner gave him too much time to think, and he knew from experience that nothing good ever came from thinking.

When he opened his eyes, a pair of green eyes stared right back at him. Warrick sat opposite him, a soda can in his hand. He didn't need to speak to someone who had just gotten engaged. It was _almost_ the very last thing that he needed.

"Are you okay, Griss?" And that was the very last thing he needed.

"Yes." He needed to get Warrick away quickly. He understood that the younger man was just concerned, was just looking out for his boss...for his family....but he didn't want to talk. He wanted to be left alone. "I'm fine, Warrick."

"Well, hell, you don't seem like it man. You know that if you ever need to speak to some..." Warrick froze, mid-sip of soda.. He was staring somewhere over Grissom's shoulder and Grissom turned to see just what exactly had stopped him mid-sentence.

His heart stopped.

There in the doorway was what could only be a mirage. He blinked hard and he looked again, but nothing had changed. She was still there. He pinched himself, but he wasn't asleep. He was wide awake and she was right there in-front of him. He sensed Warrick moving somewhere off to the side but he couldn't turn his head to look. He couldn't move his gaze from her. He almost didn't believe his own eyes as he stared. She looked beautiful, she looked radiant, she looked....happy. She hadn't looked like that the last time he had seen her. He watched her greet the team, he watched her laughing as Greg held on that little bit too long. He watched her kiss Nick's cheek, he was surprised as she even hugged Catherine. He watched Warrick whisper something in her ear and he watched as if in slow motion she turned her head and she looked at him. He held the eye contact, he tried a smile but she turned her head back. She looked away from him as if she hadn't even seen him. He didn't have the words to explain how badly he hurt.

______________________________________________________________________________

"Go speak to her."

He jumped and he opened his eyes again. Catherine sat where Warrick had been, and she had that look on her face that told him she knew exactly what was up. He hated her right then.

"C'mon Gil. You've been sitting here all night, it's about time you got up or you'll end up getting sores on your ass." She raised an eyebrow, trying to get a response, but he gave her nothing. He just looked away, down into the depths of the fresh glass of scotch.

Catherine was silent for a beat, and then the glass was snatched from his hand. He yelped in protest as she poured the contents into the plant pot that sat happily at the end of the table. Damn plants were even happier than he was.

"You are a horrible drunk." He glared up at her. "That angry stare doesn't work on me, Gil. You know that by now." He sighed heavily and scrubbed his face with his hands. "You should go speak to her. She's fine. I'm sure she'll be happy to speak to you."

"No." He sat up straight at that comment. He pointed a finger in Catherine's face. "She will not be happy to speak to me."

"You don't know that. There is no point hiding in the corner. You're here, so make the most of it, okay?"

"I'm only here because you threatened to stop doing my paperwork, Catherine. You know that."

"Yes I do. Like I said, though, you're here now aren't you? There's no point in wasting the chances that life throws at you, because hell, you're definitely not gonna make them for yourself are you?"

"I value being alive too much."

"Oh my god, Grissom. Please just shut up and go ask her to dance."

"I can't dance."

"All you need to do is move your damn feet, it's not rocket science." She stood and dragged him with her. "Maybe if it was you'd know how to do it."

He knew it was pointless arguing with her. She had a daughter and a stubborn mother and she had been married to someone with a much stronger will than he had ever possessed. He knew he was never going to win. He just wished that she wasn't making him go speak to the woman he had broken apart. His chest ached as he walked, his palms sweated, his mouth was dry. That only happened when he had to grovel to Sara, it never happened at any other time. That was because it was the only time he was vulnerable, it was the only time he didn't have a case file in his hand and evidence behind him. There was nobody behind the one way glass who could come and help him, there was nobody there with him to protect him from getting hurt. It was just her, him and his heart.

She was sat with the guys, and that just made things worse. Now it was her, him, his heart and three other men. It was far from the ideal situation but he could feel Catherine watching him like a hawk.

"May I have this dance, Sara?" He stopped at her side but she didn't respond. The silent treatment. Real mature, he thought. He was taking the risk and yet she was ignoring him. He didn't know what she wanted from him – one minute she wanted him to take the risk for her, the next she was ignoring his efforts. As he watched her ignoring him something snapped inside and he found that he knew what to say. He wasn't scared any more. He didn't have her, so he didn't have anything to lose with this. He had nothing to lose so he could risk it, he could risk more than he ever had done."You can ignore me if you want to, but I'm not going to move until you get up and dance with me.'

She turned her head slowly and she looked up at him, seemingly curious. He stared right back into her eyes, and he didn't move. He didn't blink. He didn't know where his inner strength was coming from but he was willing to play on it while he had it. She seemed to realise he was serious, so she laid down her glass and silent got up. He held his hand out to her and she took it and she followed him onto the dance floor.

The previous song faded out into the background and the opening notes of Clapton's 'Wonderful Tonight' started up in the background. He swallowed hard as he slid his right hand around her waist, coming to rest just above her hip. He looked right into her eyes as she wrapped an arm round his shoulder and he clasped her other hand in his as if was the only thing keeping him alive.

"You look nice." His voice was soft, no more than a whisper, and he cursed himself for his word choice.

He saw the corners of her mouth curl up into a smirk. "Thanks. You too."

"Yeah," he smiled back slightly, looking down at himself wearing nothing more than his usual work attire. As they moved they stared right into one another's eyes, and he felt the heavy weight settling on his heart. He found trouble in taking a breath, and his stomach began to clench. He felt like a teenager at prom, dancing with his crush for the first time. Eventually, "I miss you."

She stared up at him, visibly surprised now. He knew she had expected him to say something stupid, beg her to come back for the lab's sake and he knew he had her attention. He knew he had set the cogs turning in her mind, and maybe, just maybe, he thought....she might come back now.

"I want you to come back. For me, not the lab or anyone else. For me."

"Grissom, I, uh..." she looked away, lost for words.

"Every single thing I do reminds me of you, and I just need you Sara." His honesty had even shocked himself but, and he couldn't fathom it, it felt good. It made him feel good to be honest with her, it felt good to tell her how he felt, it was good to see the sweet surprise on her face.

"Griss, I don't think you really know how it feels," she shook her head, eyes slowly filling with tears. "I'm wondering if you really know how it feels to be left outside. I was left outside of your heart for so long, and....well, maybe you should know. Maybe it's your turn now."

"What? No, Sara, look I'm not going to be like that any more. I really think I've changed since you left." What was she saying? He had just told her he needed her and she was telling him it was his turn to be left outside?

"When I met you I thought you were something sent from above, you know that? I worshipped you, I adored you. And ever since I met you I've been waiting for you to bring me my happy ending. I waited while you played all those games, and I tried so hard to be patient. I told myself that you were the one I was meant to be with, that it would happen someday. But with you there was always someone else to blame, something else that got in the way, you could never just let me in, and I should have realised sooner that I need to go find that happy ending for myself."

She looked up into his eyes and the certainty and the distance he saw there terrified him.

"No, don't say that Sara. I don't want to hide away from this, not without you. I know I've never really said the words to you but I just can't get them straight. I just need one more chance before you run away. I can do this, if you just give me another chance. Just don't run away."

"Grissom...." She paused and she bit her bottom lip. He wanted to kiss her, if only to stop the words from coming out of her mouth. "Gil. I need to run away."

"Look, every time you let me get close I get so scared, and I know what that must do to you, but I'll say the things you need to hear if you just help me try." He shook his head, trying to change her might by looking into her eyes. As if it would change things now. He sensed somewhere deep inside of him that it was too late.

She gave a hollow, bitter laugh. "You know, it's ironic. After all the years of me trying to get through to you, it's only when I leave that you fight for me. You want what you just can't have, and when you get it you don't want it any more. I'm tired of the games. I gave you one last chance already and you couldn't take it."

"I know, but please, Sara. Come back to your life in Vegas. I'll try harder, I'll be the man you always wanted me to be. I'll do anything, just don't leave me alone tonight."

She stared up at him for an eternity and for a moment the feeling that she was gone subsided. He started to feel hopeful. The longer she stayed quiet, the longer she was still in his arms the better his chance. He was prepared to fight, he was prepared to hold onto her tonight.

After the longest moment she spoke again. "You know where I came in from tonight?" He shook his head. "I came in from San Francisco. I got myself a new job, I got a new house, I got new friends. I got a new boss. I got a new life, Grissom, and you're not part of that."

"No, Sara, no. Come on, don't say things like that. Stay with me."

"Grissom, let go of me."

"No, Sara!" He was panicking now. He couldn't let her go, not now, not after all the things he had told her, not after being honest. It was the very first time he had let himself admit to her how he felt and he couldn't let it fall away, he couldn't let her go after that.

Despite his best efforts he felt the tears welling in his eyes and as she looked at him he felt one trickle slowly down his face. He wanted her to tell him it was okay, he wanted her to take it all back, he wanted her to give him one last chance because he couldn't live without her. He couldn't carry on if she wasn't there to light up his life. There was no reason for him to be there if she wasn't with him.

"I have to go, Gil. I have to get home, I have to work. Please let me go."

"But I need you." His breath caught in his throat and he felt his whole world collapsing in on itself.

"Let me go." She wrestled her hand out of his and then she dropped her hand from his shoulder. His flesh felt cold now that her touch was gone. She pried his hand from her waist and then she paused for a split second before dropping his hands and turning on her heel. He watched as she collected her purse and stalked out of the building.

"No..." he shook his head. He was frozen to the spot for a moment before he caught sight of Catherine. She waved her hand in the direction of the door and he stared at her, confused, cold, for a moment before he sprinted after Sara. He broke out into the cold night air but he barely felt the temperature as his eyes searched for her. There was a downpour of rain but he didn't feel the water soaking through to his skin as he ran. He caught a flash of lilac and he chased after it. He didn't know why his knees didn't ache, didn't know why his side didn't hurt, didn't know why he wasn't out of breath. All he knew was that he had to reach her before she disappeared.

He caught up with her and he shouted on her but she didn't stop, she sped up. He pushed on and he grabbed her hand. She stopped in her tracks and turned round to him.

"Stop it, Griss. Stop this."

"No, I can't stop it." He took a deep breath before he started, "I lo..."

"No!" She shook her head and took a step back. "Don't you dare say that, it's not fair Grissom."

"It's the truth."

"No, it's not. It can't be the truth, you can't do this to me."

"I need you here, Sara. I can't do this without you any more. I can't. It's too hard."

"I can't let you do this to me again Grissom. I finally managed to let go of you. It was tough and God, it tore me up inside, but I did it and I can't come back to you now. I can't let you hurt me again."

"I won't. I won't hurt you again. I'm ready, and I'll try my hardest. I'll do anything you want me to, I'll be the man you always wanted me to be."

"I didn't want a hero and I didn't want Mr Perfect. I wanted you, Gil, that's who I wanted. But I'm getting over you now, and staying here...I can't do that."

"But I need you."

"Ssshhh, stop." She pressed her fingers to his lips and shook her head. He watched her, his eyes burning. He felt the warm tears cascading down his face but there was nothing he cared to do it. "Stop this Gil."

All he could do was stare at her. He watched as she raised her hands and she dried away his tears. She caressed his face, she raked her fingertips through his beard. She went on tip toes and she gently pressed her lips against his. He was too overwhelmed to react, and he could only watch as she let go of him. She turned and she walked away, leaving him behind in the ice cold rain. He kept watching for the slightest sign that she missed what she was walking away from but she just kept going and he just kept standing there. He knew she wasn't coming back.

* * *

So there you are. She ain't coming back guys, she ain't coming back. Whatd'ya think? I know you'll tell me – you're certainly not a shy bunch are ya? :) Thanks in advance.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

First of all I have to apologise for not updating this fic for about a month! I've had a busy time of it lately and had about as many exams as a zebra has stripes. Also had a bit of block if I'm honest. But here is Chapter Eight finally, and thank you to those who might continue to read this fic.

* * *

She sat in the break room and she watched every move he made. She looked into his blue eyes and she listened to his soft, intelligent voice. She had that overwhelming urge to run her fingertips through his bristly beard, she longed to feel the tickling sensation as it brushed against the inside of her thighs. His eyes darted over his team of forensic scientists. She followed his gaze and then she had to remind herself where she was. She glanced back at him and she realised that it had been a daydream. She had to force herself to remember that she was no longer in Vegas. She wasn't sitting with Gil Grissom at all. Her ears tuned back into her new boss Craig Wilson's voice. He was a rotund man – once very handsome, but now getting older. His bald head reflected the lights as she listened to him going over a memo. She knew that she would receive her case soon enough and she had to cling onto the fact that there wasn't long left to suffer.

She hated being in this building, it was still strange to her and the faces were not yet friendly. Every time she had to sit in the break room with her boss she found herself daydreaming. She found herself imagining that it was Grissom's voice, kept seeing his face when she looked at Wilson. This new lab wasn't as efficient and she didn't feel welcome. She was an outsider, from Vegas no less. Many of the criminalists here had applied to the Vegas lab but had been turned down and they were bitter towards her because she had had the chance to work with Gilbert Grissom. He was famous in the world of forensics and the ultimate experience for many was to work with him.

She knew exactly what kind of lure he held. He was quiet and intelligent. He had an air of mystery about him, and naturally curious minds aimed to work him out but nobody had ever succeeded. Even she had failed, and she had been with him intimately. She had cried to him, he had held her hand. He had looked out for her and she had trusted him and yet she still didn't know how his mind worked.

But he had broken her and she had to remember that as she sat alone in the lab where she now worked, surrounded by a mish-mash of men and women, none of whom Sara felt particularly close to. All she had left to feel positive about was that she would soon be out working a case, and for a short while he would be gone from her mind.

* * *

He took advantage of the quiet period between cases to tackle some of his paperwork. It had been 9 months now and very very slowly it was getting better. He still missed her like hell every day, when he walked into work and he couldn't hear her laugh or see her smile, but the wound was beginning to sting a little less.

There was a sudden knocking at his door and he called 'Come in'. When the door opened, he looked up and his heart sank. Ecklie stood in the doorway carrying a case file.

"Personal favour?" he asked, gesturing towards the manilla folder.

"You could say that," Ecklie nodded. "Pack your bags Gil."

"Sorry?" Grissom frowned.

"You're going to San Fran. That serial case you hit the wall with last month? Looks like he's surfaced in California. Plane leaves at zero one hundred hours."

"You're giving me four hours notice?"

"It just came in. Urgent assistance needed. They need you there Gil, you're the one person who knows everything about this guy."

"I'm not going to San Fran. I have to stay right here, I have a lot of paperwork to do and I'm taking advantage of this quiet period to get it done."

"Gil, the criminals are taking a holiday in Vegas but nothing has changed up in San Fran. You wanted to get this guy more than anyone, why are you stalling?"

"I'm not stalling. I'm simply refusing."

"This is not a travel opportunity, this is your career. I'm not offering, I'm telling you what you're going to do. Go home and pack your bags. The flight leaves at 1am, be there or I'll fire you. The supervisor from San Fran will be waiting to pick you up and take you to their lab. He has your hotel information, all expenses paid."

"How long for?"

"However long it takes for this guy to be caught. Could be a day, could be a month. I guess that's up to you."

"A month?! Who's going to be supervising while I'm gone?"

Just then Catherine appeared in the doorway beside Ecklie. "I am, Gil."

"Go and pack. If you're not there it's your job on the line, Gil."

Ecklie left, and Grissom looked desperately to Catherine.

"You heard him," she said.

"I can't go, Cath."

"Give me one reason why not."

"Cath, Sara is in San Fran. The scale of this case suggests that I could be working with her. That's going to be a disaster. I can't go to San Fran if Sara is there."

"Just don't mess this up. This time it's not about you or her, it's a case. Innocent people are dying and if you have to work with Sara to get this guy, then you damn well do it."

He heaved a sigh. He knew that there was no way he was going to get out of this. His head began to ache as he gathered his belongings and headed out to his car. This was going to be the worst few days of his life. He knew that she never wanted to see him again, and he had been beginning to cope a little better. He knew that if he saw her again all the old feelings would resurface and he knew that it only spelled disaster. He didn't even know if they would be able to have a civil conversation, let alone work side by side again. They had always been so dynamic when she had been in Vegas. When they weren't fighting they were a fantastic team, but things had changed. Majorly. He couldn't even imagine what would happen when she realised that he was in San Francisco. She would think he was following her, and she would be furious with him, and he couldn't handle that. He considered turning back inside and demanding someone else to go but then he knew in his heart that he wasn't going to be allowed to shy away from this. It was job and he had to do it, no matter the personal situation.

* * *

The plane landed exactly on time, and he collected his bag and walked out of the airport. Outside, a bald headed man waited with folded arms, and when he saw Grissom his eyes widened. He had never had the chance to meet Gil Grissom and he couldn't believe what an opportunity had landed in his lap. He scurried to meet the criminalist.

"Dr Grissom!" He extended his hand and Grissom warily accepted it. "Craig Wilson, I'm the graveshift supervisor here in San Francisco."

His accent was heavy, and Grissom could tell he had lived in California his whole life. He was tanned, and his brown eyes were set heavily in his skull. He seemed to scowl out from beneath his brow. His overall appearance was menacing and he looked more like a cop than a criminalist.

"Gil Grissom."

"Oh, gosh, I know sir. I've heard a lot about you, you know. I admire your work in Vegas. Number Two in the country is quite an accomplishment."

"Thank you. Although it's not about rankings, it's about solving crimes and obtaining justice for grieving families."

"Oh, yes, of course Mr Grissom, sure."

"Please, Gil."

"Sorry." Wilson led Grissom over to a large, dark SUV and opened the passenger door for him. "I'll put your bag in the back."

Grissom sat in the passenger seat wondering what he had gotten himself into. If this was the supervisor of the entire graveyard shift, he was worried what the other less experienced criminalists would be like. Wilson seemed nervous and highly impressionable. He was eager to please. Grissom wondered if he would make the fatal mistake of bringing up a certain Sara Sidle.

The ride to the lab was filled with Wilson's excited chatter. Grissom was tired and his head ached despite having taken his pills on the journey there. He wanted nothing more to turn around and go back home but he was here now and he knew he had to get on with it.

"So Gil. You sure trained Sara Sidle well."

"Pardon?" Grissom's heart thumped at the mention of her name. He hadn't been expecting the other man to bring her up, not entirely, and he could have taken a swing at the man for bringing her into the conversation.

"Sara sure is a great forensic scientist. Word is that one day she might take my job, yknow. "

"She would never want supervisory responsibilities."

"Well, you know her better than I do. What I've seen of her work sure is impressive. Our solve rates have gone up dramatically since she arrived. What ever made you let her go?"

"It wasn't my choice. She wanted out of Vegas."

"You didn't even try to stop her? I sure would have."

"I don't mean to be rude Craig, but my head aches and I'd like time to gather my thoughts on this case. Do you mind?"

"Sure thing. Sorry. I guess I tend to talk a lot, huh."

Grissom folded his arms and stared out of the window as the San Francisco landscape whizzed by. He hadn't been in this city since he had first met Sara many years ago. He had always held fond memories of the place and he didn't want to spoil those memories by reuniting with Sara and fighting. He anticipated that Wilson would only serve to aggravate their feelings. He assumed that Wilson had a habit of putting his foot in it regularly, and he could tell that this time would be no different. He was dreading seeing her again for the first time in 9 months. His stomach was churning and he felt as if his head would explode from the thumping pain behind his eyes. This was not going to be a good trip out of the lab.

It wasn't long before the road trip ended and Wilson pulled into a multi-storey car park. He led Grissom into the lab, and set him up with a visitors pass for the building. People stared as he walked. He wasn't used to the attention, and he wished he wasn't so well known, especially as he knew what was to come. Wilson allowed Grissom to leave his things in his office before the two men walked down a wide corridor and turned left into another room. In the corner, a cluster of men and women sat chatting.

"Graveyard," Wilson snapped and the cluster turned their attention. Some jaws dropped and some faces lit up at the sight of the other man standing with their boss. "Guys, as I'm sure you know this is Dr. Gil Grissom from the Las Vegas crime lab. Our most recent case fits with a serial in Vegas, and Dr. Grissom is here to help us catch the guy."

Wilson began to introduce the members of the team but Grissom had already stopped listening. The mention of his name had made one member of the San Fran graveyard shift's heart beat faster.

Sitting in the corner, isolated from the rest of the group, a book in hand, was the brunette that he had been dreading seeing. She stared at him, open mouthed, wide eyed, frozen to the spot. He tried to avoid eye contact but eventually he had to look and he hated what he saw. He looked right into her brown eyes and he could see the confusion, the hurt, the anger, already boiling. He couldn't move, couldn't say or do anything. He wanted to go to her, he wanted to hold her, he suddenly wanted to tell her what he had never been able to tell her before but he was frozen to the spot. He had never anticipated this inability to even look away.

He heard someone say his name but for a moment it didn't register. He felt a touch on his arm, and when he looked round Craig Wilson was smiling at him, hand extended.

He took it, dazed and not quite sure why as he shook Wilson's hand.

He just managed to hear Wilson's voice over the rabble that was starting up in his mind.

"Welcome to San Francisco."

* * *

So there we have it. Grissom's in San Fran with Sara. Hope you liked it. As usual, reviews would be nice if you could be so kind. Apologies again for the long gap between updates. Thank you.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Thanks guys for the reviews, they really do make me smile. Lots. Which is never a bad thing. I appreciate than none of you seem to mind too much that the last update took a while!! I'll try and be good with it this time, just for you!!! Hope you enjoy the chapter.

* * *

_Welcome to San Francisco..._

What a welcome it was. Grissom tossed and turned in his hotel bed. He had always hated hotels. He had seen too many crime scenes in hotel rooms to ever feel comfortable in one again. He couldn't get the look that had been on her face out of his head. He knew she didn't want to see him again, she had told him to leave her alone and up until now he had been able to do that. It had been getting better....or had it?

He didn't trust his beliefs now. He knew just how capable he was of hiding his emotions beneath the surface, and this was no different. He had being doing it with her ever since they had first met and that had never changed. He had never shown her how he felt about her and now he hated himself for that because if he had taken the risk and pushed through the fear then he would never have gotten himself into this mess. He wouldn't be in as much as pain as he was now. This was a horrible situation and he knew that there was no making it better until he left for Vegas again. He knew that he'd be leaving for Vegas alone, he understood completely that he would never be able to be with her now. Not after everything that he had put her through.

He rolled over and hugged his pillow tightly. It had been a habit since he was a child. It offered an empty sort of companionship – something he had never really experienced with another person. He felt his eyes burn and he tried his hardest to stop the hot wet tears escaping from the corner of his eye because he knew he didn't deserve to cry. It was fault that this had happened and instead of feeling sorry for himself he should be punished.

Maybe this was his punishment. He was being tortured by the sight of her, and he knew the pain was exactly what he deserved.

* * *

She sat alone in the moonlight as it streamed through a gap in the thick drapes. It was quiet, and it was dark, and she wished wholeheartedly that the daylight would come again. In the dark she saw his face everywhere, in every shadow. She heard his whispered voice and it pained her. She hadn't stopped loving him, didn't think that was possible. She had tried her hardest to get over him, to leave him behind. She had tried to leave Vegas behind but she longed to be there again. She hated the death and the destruction there but to be around him it was worth it.

She longed for his touch. She had tried to erase those memories from her past but with him she had experienced it better than she had ever had it. It had powerful, and intense, and it was the only memory she had of him when he hadn't hesitated to love her. That night she felt his heart and his soul pour into her, and she missed it terribly. She wanted to feel his skin on hers, wanted to feel him kiss her lips. She wanted to hear his heart beat next to her again, never wanted him to leave her, but she knew that he would never give himself to her. Never again.

She had been so shocked when she heard Wilson introduce the only man she had ever loved. She heard his name and she could have sworn that she was hearing things. She had heard his name in so much that people said, she kept finding herself mistaking words for his name. So when she looked up to see him standing there she didn't truly believe it. But then he looked at her, and she saw that distant look in his eyes and she knew that it was for real. He was really there.

After shock, her first reaction had been anger, how could he have dared to show up when he knew that she didn't want to see him again. But that emotion was only fleeting. It was replaced by something all too familiar.

Giddiness.

The clenching in her gut worked its way throughout her body, tingling every nerve. She felt her cheeks blush ever so slightly as her heart raced. All she could see was him, all she could hear was his voice as he spoke with the team. She noticed he glanced at her but he didn't say a word. As she sat there, dumbfounded, she watched his lips move, and she had to fight with herself not to get up and kiss him silly. He was beautiful, and it was no different to what it had been like in Las Vegas – she was in awe of him. He literally took her breath away and she hated that he had that effect on her. She didn't think it fair that such an unavailable man was so alluring.

She didn't know why he was here, didn't understand why it had to be him. It could have been anyone else but instead he had come. She knew that in Vegas he would have fought tooth and nail to prevent himself having to be alone with her after she had told him that she wanted him to leave her alone but now he was here. Of course she never meant what she said to him, she never wanted to be left alone. It was quite the opposite. In reality all she wanted was to be with him forever but she knew that it would never be.

She glanced at the phone and she knew that she shouldn't. It wouldn't be right, they hadn't spoken since she had ran away from the engagement party. But ever since that day she had longed to look into his blue eyes and listen to his soft voice. There were plenty of willing guys here in San Fran but none of them measured up to him. He had his flaws but she loved him, and she hated herself for that.

She dreaded what the next few days, weeks and months would be like. She didn't know how long this case would last for, didn't know what it would bring, and she didn't know how they would be able to work together. She was sure that she had heard Wilson mention that he would assign her to be Grissom's right hand woman. She was sure that he had said something about their past, and that they'd be more effective together. She wasn't sure of that.

Finally she couldn't take it any longer. She had to hear his voice. She still had his cell number on speed dial and she did it. She called him.

* * *

Somewhere across town, Gil Grissom's cell phone rang

* * *

John stood outside a hotel room in some mid range hotel in the middle of the city. He imagined that the failure to catch him was eating up Gil Grissom on the inside. John thought that he had gotten rid of the old man in Vegas, thought he'd left him behind. The old man would never chase him, he was sure of it. But here he was in San Francisco, chasing him. He was surprised. He welcomed the challenge.

He watched himself from above as a white gloved hand reached out to turn the doorknob. He licked his lips and tasted salty sweat. This was good. It gave him an adrenalin rush that was better than sex. He would take murder over sex any day. It was an addiction, a sweet sweet addiction, and the high that came every single time he watched the lights go out in a pair of terrified eyes made him giddy. It was an addiction that he never wanted to cure.

In the back of his mind he heard a cell phone ring. He listened carefully and he realised that the ringing was coming from inside the hotel room. Good. That was good. There would be an audience to the final act and that made the high even greater. He turned the doorknob and the door swung open.

Tonight Gil Grissom would pay.

* * *

Right. So there we go. Chapter 9 completed. Reviews as always please, hope you enjoyed it!! I'm working on a tenth chapter as you read this!!


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10  
Thank you for the reviews once again, really appreciate it so I do. Some make me really laugh, and I enjoy posting these updates for you guys!! So here's the next installment for you.

* * *

Just as he rolled over and stretched for his cell, he heard hinges creak and he suddenly shot upright in bed. He heard foosteps coming towards him, and he slowly slid the top drawer of the side cabinet open. He didn't usually carry his firearm with him, but he had run into Brass had warned him to take it. The warning had been ominous - "_you don't know San Francisco Gil_". That was the truth. In Vegas he had never had to face an intruder in his hotel room before. Shifting the covers off of his body, keeping his hand on his gun he deftly slid his glasses onto his face and waited with baited breath.

The bedroom's doorknob turned, and he watched, horror struck. He had never anticipated the fear that would pulse through his body if this were ever to happen. He had always seen himself as calm, cool and collected. He knew how to disarm an intruder if he had to, knew how to use his firearm, but as he watched the doorknob rotate all the information he firmly knew disappeared from his brain. He could only sit there, half naked, waiting. He was a sitting duck, he sensed he should get into a better position than he was in but his muscles just wouldn't listen to what his brain told him. He sat poker straight on the bed, still as a summer's evening, staring in terrified awe.

Slowly the door opened and a thin red line of laser beam penetrated the darkness. They had some serious firepower and Grissom's gut clenched harder. Whatever they had would certainly overpower his Glock and he'd be gone faster than he could even react. He knew he shouldn't have come to San Francisco. If he was still in Vegas he wouldn't be wondering about whether today he was going to live or die.

The red laser beam got brighter and it shone in his face as the intruder stepped into the room. He could vaguely see the gaping hole of the gun, but the laser beam made him almost blind and he couldn't see who was on the other end of the gun. He heard the safety disengage and his heart skipped a beat. His life didn't flash before his eyes, he didn't realise all the things he had never done and wished he had. The last thought on his mind was her.

Sara.

* * *

Across town, Sara sighed in frustration and threw her phone onto the couch alongside her. It had gone to voicemail and she had chickened out. She didn't know what she was supposed to say to him, she hadn't planned for the possibility of voicemail. She should have known that he wouldn't pick up. There were two possibilities, and both were of equal merit. There was the chance that he had deleted her cellphone number from his phone and she knew that he didn't take unknown calls. Of course, the more likely situation was that he had kept her number and he just refused to pick up. She didn't know what she thought would happen when she phoned his number. Had she thought that he would answer her call and suddenly she would once again be near him? Had she thought that he would pick up the call and profess his love for her?

No. She had seen the look in his eye earlier that day when he had suddenly shown up. There was no love left there. She just wished that she could get over him as easily as he had gotten over her, because hell, it would have made life a damn sight easier than it would be for as long as she was this deeply in love with him.

The lights flickered on and the red beam disappeared, allowing him to see again. He was faced with a team of SWAT men, guns raised in his direction, all dressed in black.

"What the hell?" he heard. "This isn't the guy, Mike."

The SWAT leader lifted his helmet off of his head and gave Grissom a firm looking over.

"Who the hell are you?" His voice was harsh from years of leading an elite squad of firearms specialist. Grissom knew too many SWAT guys who had burned out.

"Um..." Grissom was shocked, pleasanlty albeit, at the sight of the SWAT team in his hotel room. At least it wasn't a crazed intruder standing facing him. Although, from the stories he had heard he couldn't be entirely sure that these guys weren't just as ruthless and crazed as an intruder. "Gil Grissom. I'm a forensic scientist, I work in Vegas, I'm here on business."

"Identification, sir?"

"Yes." He nodded and with shaky hands reached into the drawer and held out his badge to the giant SWAT leader.

The guy looked from the badge up to Grissom a few times and seemed satisfied with what he saw. He handed the badge back and gestured for his team to back off. The gun barrels were lowered towards the floor and the SWAT leader turned back to the room's resident.

"Sorry for the inconvenience Mr Grissom. We had intelligence that there was a known Mexican drug dealer renting this room."

"I just checked in this afternoon. I had to wait a while, the cleaners were still in."

"Damn. He must have gotten word of our sting. Okay. Again, I'm sorry for this inconvenience." He went to walk away but he turned back and handed a small white envelope out to Grissom. "This was on the door. Since you ain't a drug lord I think it's safe for you to read."

"Thank you."

He sat back on the bed and stared down at the envelope. It was pure white, and as he surveyed it he could see no visible mucky fingerprints. Sighing heavily, he rested his head back against the wall for a moment before hooking his finger underneath the paper and ripped it open. He was exhausted. He hadn't been asleep when the SWAT team had arrived. He'd not been able to sleep a wink since he had laid eyes on Sara again. He couldn't get her off of his mind and when he'd tried to sleep all it had done was to give him a headache. He knew it was no use, he'd spent many a night like that before - unable to go to sleep because of the brunette.

Slowly sliding the slip of paper from the envelope, he unfolded the small rectangle and turned it over. What he read both confused and scared him. It was an address, written in block capitals. He didn't know whether the address was in San Fran or not, and he didn't even have the slightest inclination of whether it was important or not, but it gave him a terrible feeling in his gut and after so many years of doing this he knew to trust his gut when it came to things like this. This wasn't good. Without touching anything else he laid the envelope and its contents on his rented bed and picked up his cell phone.

His stomach lurched as he saw the display.

_1 call missed : Sara Sidle_

That was not good. Not good at all.

Ignoring the white hot feeling of dread in his stomach he flipped open the cell and called Craig Wilson.

"Craig, it's Grissom. I think we have a situation...."

What he didn't tell Wilson was that there was more than one pressing situation racing through his mind. If he was honest he more scared of the situation with the only woman he had ever loved than the situation with the mysterious envelope.

* * *

John smiled as he walked away from the hotel. He'd gotten away just in time, a SWAT team had shown up just as he had been leaving. He'd stepped aside and smiled politely just as a regular citizen would have done. Over the years he had learned to adapt and fit in more than he had to start with. He had loved the clean up even more than the act itself. He loved the smell of the material burning, that mixed in with the potent smell of dried blood. He loved the way it stuck to the hairs in his nostrils and stayed for days.

He had plans. Complex, extensive plans that would bring him great, great pleasure. He would have immense fun planning every little detail and he would have even more fun carrying those plans out. Especially where it concerned that annoyingly persistent bug doctor. That was certainly a bug he would enjoy squishing into oblivion with his boot heel.

This was certainly going to be an interesting experiment. One that he was going to enjoy immensely. The old man was going to suffer.

* * *

The ringing was sharp and she awoke from her light sleep with a start. After a moment she recognised her ringtone and she found her cellphone in the dark.

"Sidle."

"Sara it's Craig. Get yourself to the lab right now."

"Why? What's going on?"

"Gil received a letter with an address on. We've worked out that a 911 call was made from across the street. You need to come in and help process the letter ."

"What?"

"I figure since you had the pleasure of working with Gil back in Vegas you'll work well with him. Haul ass and get in here A.S.A.P. We need you."

"Wait...I'm working with Grissom?"

Panic set in. What would she say to him? What could she say when she had left him for a new life but hadn't yet found it? How could she face up to her failure like that?

"Yes. You're working with Grissom. He's at the lab, hurry up and get here."

"Working with him on my own?"

"Yes. This is your case from now on. Nobody else's. I want you to solve it. Quickly too."

"So I'm with Grissom now?"

"Yes. For god sake. Problem?"

She paused. Was there a problem? Or was it all in her head? Would be be awkward with her, or would it be like the days of old when they were completely comfortable with one another?

Eventually. "No. No problem."

* * *

So there we have it. Sara & Grissom on the same case together. Alone. And Grissom is still alive. I hope you're happy guys!! Chapter 11 on the way!!! Reviews as always please.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Still very grateful for all your reviews, and also for the simple fact that you're sticking with this story! I hope I'm living up to your expectations. This chapter has a little of Grissom Sara interaction, but no romance as of such. But I do promise that there will be some coming up!! So bear with me!! I'm just a little mean at times is all....

* * *

She did her best not to think of the worst case scenario. She promised herself that she wouldn't get attached to him again. She was finally starting to notice other men when she had never done before. She was beginning to see a faint light at the end of the tunnel and she knew that working with him, side by side, would just bring all the old feelings rushing back to her as strong as they ever had been. That was the very last thing she needed. She had moved here to get away from him and everything he made her feel, and now she was driving see him again. She knew that it was not a wise move but in the end it was Grissom. She had loved him for longer than she cared to acknowledge and she knew in the bottom of her stomach that no matter what he did to her she would always go running to him if she was asked to, even if all it meant for her was heartbreak and tears.

It was Grissom and no matter what happened she'd go to the ends of the earth for him. She cared about him far too much to let anything happen to him.

* * *

He sat quietly in the strange new lab. Wilson had forbidden him from processing until another member of the team got there. He hadn't had the forethought to ask which member was coming. He wasn't sure about it being Sara. He was in two minds. In one hand, he would be with her again. Just being in a room with her made his insides tingle warmly. His heart ached to be with her again. However, on the other hand, he knew that sparks would fly - and not the good kind. He knew there were only 2 possible solutions. Silence or arguments. He hated both. He didn't know which was worse - melancholy or anger.

He was sure that, bu now, Wilson would have heard about the past Grissom and Sara shared and he assumed that as a result he would refrain from pairing the two on a case. However he was also sure that they would meet at one point and he knew that most other men would have continued to fight, but he was too tired for that. Her leaving had exhausted him and he didn't know how he could continue to fight. She deserved someone who would treat her right, which was something he never had done. She deserved something more than him and that made him even more reluctant to fight for her.

He just didn't know anymore.

* * *

It didn't take longer than 20 minutes for Sara to arrive at the lab, due to her proximity to work and the hour. She strode into the lab, trying to appear confident, trying to conceal her nerves. She didn't want anyone to know the fear or the girlish butterflies which fought a war against one another in her stomach, least of all him. She doubted he'd notice but still she was scared that he's realise what he still did to her even after almost a year away from him.

She found him in the print lab alone. His eyes were closed and a frown sat firmly on his face. She didn't know if he was asleep, and she didn't know what to say. She chose to knock.

The harsh sound of knuckles rapping on glass jolted him from his uneasy slumber. He turned in the direction of the noise and he couldn't help himself as his eyes travelled from her feet up her long, slender legs, over her curves, lingering at her chest before moving up to her eyes. She stood watching him closely. She didn't look pleased at all.

They stayed that way, in silence, each refusing to make the first move, each as stubborn as the other. She had forgotten the irritating resolve he possessed and she had forgotten how his silence forced her to overtalk. She couldn't stop the words spilling out of her mouth.

"Craig told me you got a letter, he told me to come here, I had no choice. If you have a problem then speak to him, but for now it looks like we're stuck. So if there's a problem with me just keep it to yourself until someone else can take over." It came our harsher than she had meant it.

"Sara, I..." He wasn't sure if he was supposed to ignore their past of if he was supposed to confront it. He was silent, lost for words. "There's no problem. We have a job to do and you're a great CSI."

"That's all?" She was confused. She had been scared but in a way she had hoped that he would mention it. It would have shown that he still cared. But nothing. And nothing hurt more than arguments or harsh words.

"Was there something else?" he raised a curious eyebrow, almost daring her to bring it up.

She didn't dare. She wasn't going to take the bait.

"No. There was nothing else. What was I called in for so urgently?"

"It's nothing concrete, simply a gut feeling. I received an address about 2 hours ago. It was pinned to my door. It's been handled by 3 people that we know. The messenger, the SWAT leader and myself. The messenger may have worn gloves, however."

"Wait, Grissom...SWAT?"

"Yes."

"You want to explain?" she unfolded her arms and took a step closer to him.

"Do you care?" he asked as he hauled himself to his feet.

She shot him an icy stare. Obviously not, he thought to himself.

"Wilson told me to wait. It's not my lab, I have to listen."

"That must be difficult," she shot and turned back to the envelope. She had her answer to whether it would be awkward - their arguments were as easy as ever. Nothing had changed.

They had barely said two words to one another in an hour. The silence was awkward, even more so that it would have been with a stranger. Both knew there were many many things left unsaid, but neither were prepared to give in and speak first. Both were too stubborn to let go of their pride, neither were prepared to show that they were still weak, that they still needed one another more than air.

"Grissom, the only prints on this are yours. Partial smudges, the markers I could compare were a match to Mike Brian, SWAT. No other prints, partial or whole. Looks like the guy who put this on your door wore gloves. Smart, used thick gloves or layered up. Not going to get any prints here. You want me to hand it to our trace tech?"

"Anything like Hodges?" Grissom smirked slightly.

She couldn't help the smile she gave him. "No. Stewart's much better looking."

Grissom's smirk slid off his face and he averted his eyes. He hadn't been prepared for that, and it hurt more than he had anticipated. She realised that she had made a mistake as soon as the words left her mouth but before she could say anything, Grissom spoke.

His voice was quiet and his words were mumbled. "Yes, give the note to the tech. I'll be back later, I have a metting with your director. I've to bring him up to speed on the case. Uh...call me or, or...page if you get something before I return."

"Look, Grissom, I..."

"I really have to go." He walked out, avoiding her gaze as he went. She watched him move through the lab slowly.

It pained her to see him outside of Vegas. Vegas was his lab and he could do as he pleased there. He was unsure of his footing here in San Francisco still, and she didn't like his uncertainty. She wasn't used to it and it scared her.

She knew it was partially her own fault.

* * *

Later that night, Grissom had left on the dot, unable to bear being around Sara any longer. He saw the looks she got from every man in that place - the lab techs, the cops, the other CSIs and even her superiors. So man men - mostly younger than he - and he knew he was long forgotten. He knew he had no chance now.

He happened to glance in his rearview mirror as he stopped at a red light. A grey SUV caught his eye. It looked similar to one he had noticed at the grocery store. When he checked the license plate his suspicions were confirmed. It was the same car.

He periodically checked the rearview, and took as much of an in-direct route back to the hotel as he could without knowledge of the city. Although the vehicle sometimes disappeared, it was always on his tail the next time he looked. He began to panic. He almost crashed the rental he was driving he was so concerned with the SUV.

Just as he was considering phoning Wilson to get himself some police presence, he made a right run and checked his rear view. He was just in time to see the vehicle drive straight by the turning and he heaved a sigh of relief. He was becoming paranoid. The address certainly didn't help , and this business with Sara and her band of merry (and good-looking) mean was getting him down too. He heaved another sigh and rolled his neck to ease the tension as he lifted the brown paper bag from the passenger seat and took himself inside.

If he hadn't been so exhausted, he might have noticed the faint smell of cigarette smoke that wafted through the air. He might have noticed the broad shoulders, bald headed mountain who lurked in the shadows. He might have heard the deep, raspy laugh that softly resonated in the darkness.

* * *

This was fun, but it was only the beginning. John had caught the look of panic on Gil Grissom's face as he stepped out of his fancy rental and checked the parking lot for a grey SUV. It helped to have contacts in this city when it came to spooking old men.

* * *

So here you are. Chapter 11 done, sorry this took a few days, I had every intention of finishing and uploading two days ago but I had some personal things going on, so I apologise for that!! Reviews would be great as always, it makes me smile and makes me want to do more and do better for you guys. Thanks for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

So this chapter has a lot more GSR in it than previous chapters, I hope you enjoy it, as I really enjoyed writing it out for you guys. Thanks for all the great reviews so far. Enjoy!

* * *

It had been quiet on the case for a while. It had been 4 days since Grissom had arrived in San Francisco. They had both come to accept the fact that he wasn't going home until they solved the case, so they had come to an unspoken understanding that they would both stay silent unless it was about the case. The silence killed both of them but they knew that the only way they could get through this was to stay quiet. When they spoke there were too many words unspoken, too many bitter feelings.

As they sat in silence there was a soft rap at the door. Grissom tried not to get distracted but as he heard the voice he looked up over the top of his spectacles. It was the one new voice in this place he had already memorised in the short space of time.

Standing in the door, smiling in at Sara, holding 2 mugs of steaming coffee, was one of the other criminalists from San Fran. Ronnie Samuels was young, talented, good-looking, funny and what Grissom assumed was a fantastic catch. The thing he loathed most about the younger man was that he was such a genuinely good guy.

"Are you making any headway with this case, Sar?" Ronnie queried. He was clearly well educated and well spoken. It made Grissom's blood boil.

"No, we've ground to a halt here. No evidence whatsoever. No prints, DNA, trace...there's absolutely nothing to go on Ron."

"If anyone can find something it's you."

"Stop. You're just as great as I am."

"Naw, after working with Dr. Grissom for so long you've obviously been taught better. Craig's okay, but Dr Grissom is the stuff of legends."

"Are you trying to get on his good side Ronnie?" Grissom overheard that Sara Sidle laugh and his gut clenched. He balled up his fists as he stared down the microscope. Why was it never him that made her laugh like that?

"Trust me Sara, it's not his good side I'm interested in." Grissom's gaze snapped up in time to witness Sara playfully slap the other man's arm. He watched her smile as Ronnie winked at her. "Good luck partner. I know you can do it Sidle."

"Thanks Ron." He disappeared from the doorway and Grissom watched as Sara let out a contented sigh. She turned with a smile on her face and happily sipped the fresh mug of coffee.

He tried to fight against it, he tried to honour their silent pact, but he couldn't help himself. His jealous boiled over, red hot, and he spat out, "I've heard your theories regarding the company pier."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sara almost looked hurt but in his rage Grissom didn't pick p on the subtlety.

"I've seen the way you behave around him, Sara. You've said it yourself – never fish from the company pier." He removed his glasses and stood, making sure he wasn't in the weaker position when she started up. He knew her reaction, and he knew he shouldn't but he just couldn't control his jealousy and he couldn't bear the silence any longer.

"Oh and of course we all know you're a great believer in abstaining from the company pier, don't we Grissom. God knows you've never even dipped a toe in."

"Maybe I dipped my toe in and got burned." Grissom shot back.

"Oh, please, bring out the violins!!! It's all about you isn't it?! Poor you, you tried one time. How about me? Time and time again I dove right in and hell, Griss, I got burned helluva worse than you did."

"I wanted to go fishing, Sara. But I was afraid I'd fall in and drown." His jealousy burned out and left behind it a cold, empty pain in his gut. He wasn't sure which one was worse, which hurt more.

"Maybe you would have liked the water, Griss, but you wouldn't know because you never tried. I almost drowned because of you. That's why I had to come here. I had to get my feet back on sold ground. I couldn't be around you anymore."

"So you came home to the one place that hurt you most?! There are worse people here than in Vegas. I could protect you in Vegas, keep you safe, not here."

"Yeah because you care so fucking much about my pain right enough."

They both stood frozen, statuesque, for an eternity before Grissom, overwhelmed, moved first. He crossed the shining floor like lightening, and his momentum crushed his body into Sara's. She didn't even notice as her coccyx slammed against the edge of the table. His pelvis ground into hers as his lips attacked hers, his hands roughly finding her face. For a moment she was stunned but then she melted into him, her lust matching his fervour. She tugged at his silver curls and his lips parted from hers. She mourned the loss of contact but then she felt his lips on her neck and across her collarbone. She allowed her head to drop back as she let out a soft sigh, Grissom kissing her. It felt like the perfect dream. She had longed for this kind of passion from Grissom forever. Ever since she had loved him she had always known the clinical, logical side of him and had never witnessed this side. It was better than she could ever have imagined.

Suddenly a harsh beeping filled the room. Both ignored it until it started up again, and yet again. Sara reached down to her belt and grasped the pager, but Grissom grabbed her hand in his and held it to her side.

"Griss, I have to. It's important," she whispered as she looked into his eyes. She didn't want to leave this man, not in this state, but only Wilson contacted her beeper, and never unless it was important.

"Please don't Sara, please. I lo..."

Sara quickly raised a finger and held it to his lips. "No Griss. Not like this, not this way."

"But..." his blue eyes were dark, and full of emotion. Sara couldn't bear that look in Gil Grissom's eye but she couldn't force herself to look away either. "Sara, I..."

"No, Gil," she whispered. Hearing his given name pass her lips stopped him dead. She checked her pager. "Crap, Griss, we gotta go. 911 from Craig. An address across town. Get your kit, I'll meet you at the car."

He tried to protest but before he knew what to say to stop her leaving, she was already gone. He glanced at the half empty mug of coffee, and before he left the room he frowned and turned the cup upside down in the nearest sink. Damned if he's let her take another sip of perfect Ronnie's perfect coffee.

* * *

The crime scene was a mess. There was blood everywhere, on every surface, and both Sara and Grissom had known from the off that it would be a double shift, if not a triple. The serial's trademark was apparent – the large, bloody, smiling face had been smeared on the wall with what appeared to be a generic, hardware store paintbrush.

Grissom was crouched low to the floor, 5 hours in. His knees ached. His head pounded. And every time Sara came near him his heart raced.

This was a similar moment, only this time he didn't hear her approach.

"Footprints outside aren't helpful. He's worn out the grips, all we know is a size 12. Looks like he walked up the pathway them removed his shoes.," Sara called as she stopped beside him.

He startled, and used a hand to steady himself. A hand which thudded down on a stray piece of broken glass. He stood and held his hand out to Sara.

"Remove my glove?"

"You'll need to go to hospital, Griss," she observed as she carefully removed the latex gloves.

"No. Tweezers and a band-aid will suffice. We have to concentrate on this case for now."

"This looks bad, Griss."

"I'm fine." He snatched his hand away from her with a sigh and began to storm out, but guilt made him stop and turn back. "Sorry, Sara. That was unnecessary . Uh...come help me with the band-aid?"

Outside, Sara removed the shrap piece of glass and applied a band aid. As she helped him put on another pair of gloves, he started, "Look, about earlier, I..."

"That case, Grissom. We have to concentrate on this case for now."

"Yeah." He swallowed hard as her fingertips lingered over the sensitive inside of his wrist. He longed to touch her again as he had earlier, he longed to kiss her, to feel her need for him again. But she was right when she quoted his words. This was a very big case and it was incredibly important. If they didn't catch this guy he would move on and Grissom knew that meant more bodies – and more air miles for himself. It was not a prospect he looked forward to.

* * *

This was the worst part of any case. The post-mortem. The San Fran coroner was a stoney faced woman who matched her surroundings perfectly. Grissom was not used to her style and she didn't make it easier in the way Doc Robbins did. So it was even more unexpected when the coroner pulled out the battered body of a bruised young girl.

"She was beaten severely and raped," the coroner stated harshly. No easing in, then.

Grissom faced himself not to look at Sara but all the same he saw her freeze. The coroner glanced up, and Sara waited a long moment before turning on her heel and storming out of the morgue. Grissom wasn't sure what to do but he followed his heart and followed her outside.

She was bent over a waste bin, holding her hair back as she retched dryly into the bin. He sighed softly and went to her. He reached for her hair and gently held it off of her face with one hand as he softly caressed her back with the other. Eventually she stood and looked up at him, cheeks flushed, chronically embarrassed.

"Sorry, Griss. I know it's stupid. I'm a mess. Sorry."

"Hmm," Grissom smiled lopsidedly. "I still think you're beautiful."

She stared up into his eyes for a moment before saying softly, "Say it. Tell me now."

"Tell you?"

"What you were going to say earlier. Tell me."

"Honey, I'm..." he paused. "I'm not special. I'm just another man blinded by your smile, that's all."

"You are special, to me, and I never stopped loving you Griss. So tell me."

"Okay," he nodded, still smiling at her. "Sara, I know I've been awful to you in the past but that has to stop now. We can't go on like this. I'm afraid I'm only going to break your heart, but Sara? I..."

He took a breath to collect himself and in that breath Ronnie Samuels came sprinting towards them.

"Dr Grissom, Sara, Craig needs you. Seems we just received a letter, it concerns these murders, and uh...you, Dr Grissom..."

"What?!" Sara sprang into action but Grissom was furious. How dare the other man interrupt his declaration of love?! How dare he run in here and ruin it for them? He was finally ready to proclaim his love her the only woman he had ever cared about this way, and the perfect specimen had ruined a perfect moment.

When he returned from his reverie he found Ronnie gone and Sara standing at the end of the corridor.

"Griss, come on. This is serious."

"But Sara..." He was devastated. He didn't know if he would be able to find the courage again.

"I know, but we have to keep going on. I know, okay? But it's just one more case and then, well...we just have to push on. Let's go, hurry. This is a good lead. We have to keep trying."

That was the problem. He didn't know for how much longer he could keep on trying.

* * *

So there we go. Chapter 12, working on 13 now. Hope you enjoyed the GSR moments in there. Yes yes I know it's frustrating with them not getting there, but just bear with me. I may have some happy thought in my head about this one. But then again maybe now. Maybe I'm just pure evil...? Reviews as always would be dead cool and thanks again for reading.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Sorry for the repost on Chapter 12, it was just that I noticed a few mistakes in and decided to sort them out! Hope none of you minded too much. Here's 13, and there is much more GSR here!!

* * *

"I am your serial killer. My name is John and you will never stop me. My next victim resides at the enclosed address. Catch me if you can. You will also find enclosed captures of your team. I am distinctly interested in one member. I warn you now - Dr Grissom is in grave danger while at my mercy. Leave him to work alone and he shall die alone. Accompany him and you shall die also. It is absolutely your choice. Catch me if you can."

Craig Wilson finished reading and let the letter fall to the table. There was silence amongst the team. Nobody moved.

"I will not let this guy harm you, Gil," Craig Wilson folded his arms across his chest. "The rest of you may leave if you so wish. You will not have to work with Dr Grissom and your lives will not be endangered."

Grissom closed his eyes and turned his back on the room. He couldn't believe this was happening to him. He never seemed to get the easy cases. He always had to become embroiled in conflicts with criminals. He was too old for this, and he couldn't pretend that he could still sweep it under the carpet. For the first time in years, Grissom was afraid, but he didn't want to open his eyes because he knew the only person he could confide in would have walked out on him again.

Eventually he turned back round and reluctantly opened his eyes. To his surprise, 3 faces stared back at him. Craig Wilson, perfect Ronnie....and Sara. His Sara was still there. He breathed a sigh of relief and he felt his eyes burning. Suddenly he realised what the situation was. If she stayed with him, she would die. He couldn't let that happen, even if it involved being alone and without her.

"Sara, no, you should go. You heard what he said. Anyone with me is in trouble, you don't have to be here. I'll be okay."

"I'm here, Grissom. I didn't walk out on you. You think I don't know the risks?"

"I just don't want you to get hurt because of me."

She bit her tongue to stop herself from saying anything silly. She had promised herself that she would try to be kind to him, and that promise was even more important now that he was in trouble like this. She knew he was trying his hardest to make her go but she'd be damned if she was going to let him do it on his own. If he was going to die then she was sure as hell going to die right at his side.

"I'm here. This is my case too. I'm not giving up."

"Sara..." Grissom's tone was warning as he grabbed her arm. "You have a new life here. Don't ruin it for me again."

"Can you do it alone, Griss?"

"I..." He looked away and sighed heavily. "I don't know, Sara. All I know is that you're in danger if you stay with me and I hate that. I want to make this better but if one good thing can come out of this mess, it's your life. At least if I'm gone then I won't be here to bother you. If I'm not here you can have a good life."

"That's a good theory, but Griss, the thing is...I don't have a life if you're not in it."

His heart skipped a beat, and he ran a hand down her arm. She shivered under his touch, her skin burning even after his hand had left her arm. They stared into one another's eyes, cool blue meeting warm brown, and had it not been for their company they could have stayed like that forever.

"Look, Sar, maybe Dr. Grissom is right. I can catch up with this case, you take mine. We know how vicious this John guy is and we know what he does to women. I know you can probably take care of yourself better than most guys, but maybe it's safer if you stay away from this case. I would hate myself if I let something happen to you," Ronnie spoke up.

Grissom watched Sara trying to find a response and when she couldn't, he happily stepped in. "Look Ronnie. You don't have to be here. Sara doesn't need to be treated like a child. You don't even know me, go back to your other cases."

"I appreciate that you'd rather keep this between friends, sir, I honestly do. I've been there before. It's just that I'd rather that I was hurt instead of Sara, and besides sir, I'm well suited to your case. I can look after you without police protection present."

"Yeah, I'm gonna trust the officers, but thank you anyway."

"But Dr Grissom, maybe I'm not making myself clear. I have black belts in 3 martial arts, I was in the U.S. Marines for 12 years, I have elite level weapons training and I have bomb disposal experience. I genuinely believe that it's in your best interests to have me on board."

Grissom's blood boiled, and his temper ran burning hot. He hated Ronnie Samuels almost as much as he hated serial killer John. He was too perfect. There had to be something going on behind the scenes. It had been bad enough, but now perfect Ronnie was even more perfect - he was practically indestructible. He knew that, considering Ronnie's experience, he couldn't turn down his help and that made him absolutely furious.

"And Dr Grissom - it would be an honour to work with you. I might sound childish but you are my idol."

"Okay guys, this is settled. I can't refuse the offer, Gil. Ron's definitely the man to have on side." Wilson smacked Ronnie on the back and walked out of the room.

Grissom made eye contact with Ronnie, and the younger man smiled, but Grissom turned his back. He had never hated a colleague so much. Not even Ecklie.

He hard Sara laughing behind him, and, catching a reflection in glass he watched the scene unfolding. Sara playfully hit Ronnie again and he feigned injury. Sara laughed again, and as he watched, his jaw clenched when he watched them hug each other. He saw the smile on both their faces, and he gripped the table tightly. He watched Sara peck Ronnie's cheek, and he watched the gesture returned. It physically hurt him to watch her with other men.

When he looked again, Ronnie Samuels was gone and Sara stood right behind him. She caught his eye in the reflection, and she knew that look. She had seen it before with Hank, and when Greg flirted a little too obviously. She hated it because he never seemed to realise that she just wasn't interested in the others.

"C'mon," she said softly as she laid her hands on his shoulders. "Shift's over. Let's go get breakfast. I know a great diner."

* * *

The diner was unimaginatively called Frank's, but it was comfortable and the food was good. Sara often came here after her shifts at the lab alone, so when she sat at her usual booth with someone else - a man no less - there was much attention paid. They could both feel the eyes on them. Perhaps Grissom had become paranoid, but he kept recognising other diners. As a result he couldn't sit still, kept playing with his napkin and his cutlery.

Sara reached over and laid a hand over both of his. He looked up into her eyes and her heart broke. That was something she had never before seen in his eyes. Fear.

"It's okay. Don't worry. Nothing is going to happen to you, you're safe. It's going to be okay," she soothed.

"No Sara, it's not. Some psychopath has me in his crosshairs and now I have 3 other lives in danger because of me. I don't know what "John" looks like, he could be right here. I could be dead before breakfast arrives."

She had never seen him like this before. "Trust me Griss. That booth over there, 4 guys?" She pointed. "All cops. Same over there, and off in the corner also. All cops. And Frank? Guess what. Ex-cop. You're as safe her as you are in PD or the Lab. And you know what else?" He raised an eyebrow curiously, and she kicked him under the table. He looked and only just noticed the slight bulge in her sock. "9mm. You're safe."

"I guess I should start carrying mine again, like I used to," he sighed heavily. He hated his gun. He was a scientist, not a police officer, and he didn't think it right that he should have to bear a firearm. That was not his job.

"Only if you're comfortable. Could be that it makes you more nervous," she reasoned, her hands still covering his. She allowed her fingertips to caress the tanned skin of his hand and he looked up at her again.

He swallowed hard before saying to her, his voice soft, "I thought than when you left me...uh, Vegas. When you left Vegas, I thought you would go to Paris."

"No," Sara smiled. He had remembered through all their fights and the many years. "I wouldn't go there without you Griss, that's our plan."

"Last time we spoke about Paris, we ate pizza in my campus apartment," he said, and she nodded. "That was the last time I was in San Fran."

"Yeah, I know. You always said you'd visit."

"Yes, I did. Uh...surprise?" The slightest smile stretched his face. It felt good to use those long forgotten muscles.

Sara laughed loudly and his heart swelled. He had made her laugh. If he died before breakfast he would die a happy man.

"I hadn't visited since I moved to Vegas, until I came back."

"I should never have asked you to Vegas, Sara. I was selfish, I should have considered your life here."

"I told you earlier Grissom. I have no life without you."

"Gil. Call me Gil when we're alone."

"Okay. I have no life without you Gil."

As he looked into her eyes in that diner, everything else seemed to fall away. He almost felt unburdened. Happy. He knew when to take his chances now.

"What I was trying to tell you earlier," he started, linking his fingers with hers.

"I think I know. You don't have to Gil."

"Yes I do," he nodded. He grasped her hand tighter and squeezed it out. "I love you Sara. I'm in love with you. I have been since I saw you and despite my behaviour that has never changed."

Suddenly Sara's smile was as big as it had been the first time he'd asked her for coffee so many years ago.

"You don't realise how good that sounds, cause God Gil, I love you too. So so much."

"Yes, I know. That's why I hate you for staying with me. I wish you'd go take Ronnie's cases. Let him do what he wants, just not..." The emotion overwhelmed him and his eyes filled with tears. "Just not you Sara. You can't."

"I can, and will. You're not as smart as you look if you think that I'm going to let you go through this alone."

"But if something happens to you..."

"I'm an adult Gil. This is my choice and I will not let you do this alone. Your enemy is my enemy."

"Thank you Sara. I really do appreciate it, but I don't want you to get hurt. I really really don't want that."

"You're not my supervisor anymore. You can't tell me what to do."

"Please Sara."

"I'm staying with you. The bastard who is doing this has opened a whole new can of worms now."

He stared at her for a long moment. He couldn't understand why so suddenly she was ready to die for him. It hurt his heart to think about something harming her, but he knew her and knew that he would never get her to change her mind. He let out a long sigh and then nodded.

"Okay.

She smiled, leaned over the table, and kissed him to seal the deal.

* * *

Police officers had gone to the address which had been in the envelope with John's letter, and he watched with glee as one of the officers came back outside, pale faces, and called it in. It was going exactly to plan.

He knew the CSIs would be called. He could only wait excitedly to find out just how many. He was aware that his letter to the crime lab would have stirred a panic though he hoped that the brunette would have stuck by the old man's side. He had no particular interest in her, but he would whole heartedly enjoy tormenting the old man by making him believe there was an interest.

* * *

The 4 criminalists had been at the crime scene for only a few minutes when there was the sound of a van pulling up outside. Grissom assumed it was the coroner, but quickly two large men in Hazmat suits stormed inside. Both were tall and broad shoulders.

"Everybody stop what you are doing and slowly stand up."

Grissom and Sara made eye contact, each as confused as the other.

"We didn't call for Hazmat," Wilson stood.

"We received an outside threat. You must come with us, we have to ensure your safety." The taller of the two men held out an ID card, and the other man copied the motion.

"Johnson and Andrews? You boys new?" Wilson was clearly suspicious but seemed to have no problem with their identification.

"Yes, sir, we are. Please come with us."

Grissom, Sara and Ronnie waited a moment until Wilson moved. They followed him outside where a large Hazmat truck waited. They were bundled into the van where the two attending officers at the scene also waited. The van was a tight fit for 6 passengers. The doors shut and the sound of a deadbolt locking resounded in the metal box. It was then that the real panic set in.

"What the hell...?!?!" Wilson began to protest but there was a horrible scraping, grating noise and a metal partition slid open.

A bald head appeared in the gap, a grim smile on his face.

"Sleep tight, my friends."

Suddenly the air was thick and suffocating.

The last thing Grissom saw was the look of fear on Sara's face, and then she went limp. He tried to reach out and help her, he couldn't let her come to any harm, but he couldn't move.

Then it went black.

Nothing.

* * *

So there we have it. Yes I know I keep being mean and putting people in danger. I can't say I'm sorry for that because I just love being mean way too darn much. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, 14 is in the works, though can't guarantee when it'll be as there are some personal matters at hand for now. Though I won't be one of those annoying people who tell you all their life story. Just a heads up!!

Reviews, as always, would be great. Would really make me smile. Lots and lots.


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